A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known this man for atleast 4 years we got really close within the first year and since then i have always been attracted to him about a year ago i fell in love with him but by then he had found a girlfriend we text and talk every day except from when he is with his girlfriend which is every other weekend due to work.His always known that i was attracted to him and often rubbed him having a girlfriend in my face.His always telling me not to lose my virginity for some odd reason.Yesterday i left him a voicemail telling him exactly how i felt for the first time he texted me back that morning saying he was shocked, later on the phone he said that he didnt mind me telling him as i said i was outta place to tell him and said he thought it was really nice i then said to him i didnt think you would want to know about that and he said of course i do. Straight after that he started saying how he had such a good time with his girlfriend and that. He always calls me amazing and attractive and that he really cares for me but this is no where enough, he doesnt really spare my feelings as he said if only i was older i would be his perfect girlfriend but im 17 and his 21 i dont see the problem.he also told me of his plans to move in with her this july and that it had been planned for a long time but it lead me to think why he didnt tell me as he tells me everything else in the world.it seems like he just wants to hurt me? help would be much appreciated guys!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): you are to young to be worried about this man. why dont you try and look for someone a little closer to your age? seventeen is to young to settle down and worry over a man, im telling you this from expierence. i know it may seem he is the world to you and you cant imagine not talking to him anymore but he is obviously not going to change his mind and be with you. if you cannot accept just a friendship then maybe you should just cut all ties, i promise in time you will like another. people are not like they used to be and most dont settle down and stay together anymore. you shold focus on school/college or wherever you are in your life, or you will miss it. i dont think he is as innocent as he seems or upon finding out your feelings for him he would put an end to the constant talking since he knows he will never be with you. he is probably flattered by your attention. and another question, why does he only talk to you when his girlfriend is not arround? sounds a little fishy to me. post this question to yourself without making excuses, is he really worth it? sounds like he is just not that into you
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Ok, I am confused, first you say he tells you not to lose your virginity, then you say he is "shocked" to hear you tell him how you feel about him and then he talks about his girlfriend and how he is moving in with her.
Then you write back in defense of yourself for possibly being a little obsessed with him that he has asked you for sex lots of times as far back as two years ago when you were 15. Something doesn't add up here.
You say you have gone through so much rubbish with him and that he only wants to use you to feel better about himself, but you don't say why you know this.
Only you control your own behavior. If you don't like this guy and you think he is messing you about, then stop being friends with him, it isn't worth it. You have been talking to him for four years and you have not once been his girlfriend and he tells you that you are too young for him and he has someone else.
Like I said, you seem obsessed with him. He isn't available, maybe he isn't a nice guy after all, but either way you have a choice as to whether or not you want to continue to feel used.
You can stop all of this nonsense by stop going through rubbish for him and stop speaking to him in any way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so I'm obsessed with him? Its not all my fault his asked me for sex lots of time, even when I was 15 and he wasa working in my school. I know exactly what his doing his using me to make himself feel better. I have gone through so much rubbish for him I don't speak to my dad because of our 'friendship' if that's all it is why does he only want to keep it between us? Why does he not want to tell anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so I'm obsessed with him? Its not all my fault his asked me for sex lots of time, even when I was 15 and he wasa working in my school. I know exactly what his doing his using me to make himself feel better. I have gone through so much rubbish for him I don't speak to my dad because of our 'friendship' if that's all it is why does he only want to keep it between us? Why does he not want to tell anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Based on the some new information provided by a very reliable source, YOU, my opinion has changed about this guy. You said, "I know exactly what his doing his using me to make himself feel better". Listen to yourself and follow your soul. I know you are hurt and many of us feel your pain because we have been there. It is this pain that stops us from thinking clearly.
You know what to do. I need not say more.
Good luck!!
Tony
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so I'm obsessed with him? Its not all my fault his asked me for sex lots of time, even when I was 15 and he wasa working in my school. I know exactly what his doing his using me to make himself feel better. I have gone through so much rubbish for him I don't speak to my dad because of our 'friendship' if that's all it is why does he only want to keep it between us? Why does he not want to tell anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): He is not trying to hurt you, it seem to me he respects you as a friend and he is trying to give you the message that he is with someone and want you to realize expecially knowing you like him. If you were in the other girls shoes would you want him to have a relationship? Let things be and try not to live in the past from 4 years ago. Except the friendship for now but don't live with false hopes. Just live! You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Who knows maybe in ten years you may end up with this guy but don't live for it or you will set yourself up.
Tony
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Here is help. You are obsessed with a man who is unavailable to you. He has a serious girlfriend whom he is going to be living with in the near future.
What about this do you not understand?
It sounds to me like he is trying to be your Older Friend, he is looking out for you by telling you not to lose your virginity for some lame reason. He tells you that you are attractive and amazing because he is fond of you and he wants you to feel confident in yourself because you deserve it. He is like a mentor to you, not a lover or a boyfriend. To him you are a child that he is trying to protect and nurture.
His girlfriend is his equal and he is committed to her. Sounds like a nice guy and you are trying to pressure him into something ugly. Back off and appreciate the fact that he has enough respect for you not to take advantage of your crush. He knows you like him and he doesn't want to reject you and crush you spirit. He sounds like a special guy, but he is a FRIEND nothing more, Hun.
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female
reader, Hannah101 +, writes (24 December 2009):
I can see were your coming from but don't let him do this to you any longer I'm goin to be honest he's messing with your head no matter how much it's hurts do to him what he's doin to you give him a price of his own medican tell him he either wants you or not and if he does tell him it's now or never and to be honest you should tell his girlfriend because it's not fair on her and I garente you what he's saying to you he's says to her everyday. I know you say you love him but chick he's not worth it because if you were his girlfriend he could do the same to you that he's doin to his girlfriend he's not worth it I promise you I really hope this has helped good look
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Hate ta break it to you, but this man does not care about your as much as he claims to. He has a girlfriend that he constantly waves in your face, whcih shows that he doesn't really have respect for you or her. My advice: break it off and find someone who can be devoted to you and you only.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): i would move on hes seem not worth it but i guess you cant help your feelings just stop talking to him it worked for me
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