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He is my perfect man...except his penis is too small...should I overlook this??

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 December 2007) 23 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2014)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I dated John while I was in college about 10 years ago. He was gorgeous, intelligent, creative, ambitious.... everything you could ask for. The only problem was the size of his penis. Everything leading up to sex was mind blowing,but I was always left wanting more. The boyfriend I had right before I started dating John was blessed in that area, and not having had too much experience at the time, I didn't have much else to compare John's penis to. A few years later I end our relationship. I gave some fake excuse because I didn't want to hurt his ego.

Fast forward 10 years. I run into John by chance. He's more gorgeous, more intelligent, more creative and now his ambition has brought him great success. We go out to dinner, have an amazing time and then the let down. One thing hasn't improved.

My question is, should I continue our realtionship or force it to fizzle? I happen to be a highly sexual person, and even though John posesses EVERY characteristic on my "Perfect Man" list, except one, I wonder if that one trait is too much to overlook.

View related questions: ambition

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A male reader, Mr Experienced United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2014):

Interesting topic. I am approaching this from the other side. My wife is used to thick, fat size, not average size in length and girth. I am average size especially in Girth. I can still give her the big O through penetration but the space / gap between our parts when she gets wet and turned on means neither of us can really feel each other at that point. I hardly get the big O for myself at all.

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A female reader, itsmektothec United States +, writes (23 March 2012):

Small dick = uncurable. Don't bother. He'll always leave you wanting more. There's plenty of well-endowed fish in the sea. And jack202, I DO happen to have natural D cups and am a thin woman. So YA, you can have it all and want it all. Sorry for your probably less than desirable luck...

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A male reader, jack202 Canada +, writes (26 February 2012):

ever since the advent of the internet in the early 90s, women have been able to view porn freely on the internet. they see large penises at work on the net and think that is what all guys are supposed to be. all penis surveys show the avg man has a 6 inch penis, but by the standard of the internet-age woman, that is too small, because all the dicks she sees online are 8-10 inches.

before the 1990s, size didn't matter and now it does....sad women.......do you all have DDs for breast size, because the avg woman is a B cup, unless she is fat.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011):

I am dealing with the same situation.. My last boyfriend is very large and also a jerk. The new man in my life is very small and kind hearted. 30 years from, neither man will probably have the ability to get it up any longer, therefore, I would much rather be with a kind man than a limp jerk!

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A female reader, brownieduck United States +, writes (14 May 2011):

Ha! I'm having this problem. I think it's like anything else. Would you date someone who was extremely poor or hideous? Probably not.

I met a guy who is amazingly compatible with me and he unzipped and, boom goes the dynamite. Or more accurately, no boom. Do I still like him? Yes. Would I still rather hook up with my hung-like-a-horse ex? Unfortunately, also yes. I'm too highly sexual and too young to be staring at the ceiling...maybe if my sex drive slows or it becomes less important.

It doesn't feel good, but you're better off being honest with yourself and your feelings, even if they're morally or romantically unacceptable. Because it's a bigger disservice to the guy who could be with a girl who maybe does dig his shrunk junk. Or is at least way better at faking than you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010):

I started dating a man with a smaller penis - after having ended a relationship with well endowed and talented boyfriend - but even an average sized penis suffices.. this was bad. The biggest issue was that he's joked around about his penis being of inferior size, which not only set me up for disappointment but signified his lack of prowess/confidence. I attempted to stick to sexual positions that cater to smaller penis size (from behind with the woman's legs closed, the woman lying on her stomach with her legs closed, etc... they have tons of articles with suggestions on askmen.com and the like) and I utilized kegels in hopes of further increasing friction in lieu of the need for depth, but it was still pretty bad. Further, it would have been fine had he been capable/confident enough to at least stimulate me manually/orally prior, so I could at least knock out one orgasm prior, however the relationship ended as I wound up being too sexually frustrated to continue. Having came from a relationship in which we could have sex over and over, and being completely satisfied, it was depressing that this guy didn't have the confidence to put the extra effort in, knowing his size wasn't ideal. While he was a fantastic guy, I couldn't imagine myself sacrificing sex for a good personality, especially when I've been fortunate to find both in a partner, more than once.

If the man can satisfy you in other ways - oral/manual, I'd suggest trying positions that cater to what he's working with to see if you can be sustained by it - but if not, move on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008):

if in doubt there is no doubt BUT also be ready to face life alone or compromise something somewhere.

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A male reader, gadfly_in_your_drink United States +, writes (6 November 2008):

I am trying not to laugh, and doing a pretty good job of it, to my surprise. I think your plight would make an excellent romantic comedy-tragedy chick flick (complete with the creeping middle age reunion subplot). I would love to "hop" over and check it out alone in the upper back row of some theater after paying to see the newest incaration of Rambo, or another such male comedy. I mean I managed to snicker solo through dreck like "Maid of Honor" and "27 Dresses" and this would make a much better, far more romatically subversive movie.

First off, and seriously, as you deep down (in the pit of your forelorn anterior fornix) know, there is no such thing as a "perfect" man (or woman either, of course). DO NOT be ashamed, or embarrassed to admit that you have to have a man with a big penis to enjoy a relationship with one. What else really are men good for? We are such big dicks anyway, so we better have one. This is no more shameful than, and just as legitimate a need as a guy wanting a tight, tidy vagina. Woman can somewhat alter the undesirable trait of a "busted box" with kegals, etc., but a man CANNOT enlarge his penis. All "solutions" offered for sale that promise such results are absolute scams, and surgery is not a realistic option either. Kegal exercises will help a male have a harder erection (if its small, it better be rock hard, right?) and kegels can also make a man last longer and shoot with more force (hey, if 'Lil Smokey can stay hard for an hour inside you, and if the guy is capable of shooting over his shoulder while masturbating, you might eventually feel a slight tickle), but those kegs will never make a penis inherently larger.

So, even if after the "reunion" you still feel cheated, do not pursue anything more with this evolutionary dead end. You sound like the type of woman who should not rely on a man for support, or one to keep you up financially, etc. (no American woman today should rely on a man for that anyway), so just try to find the "perfect" compromise in a man: one that can pound you into obvilion in the ways you need it, when you need it, then disappear, and who otherwise will never leave bruise marks on you that show in public. That is the closest to perfection you can ever hope for from a straight human male. The quicker you ignore myths about empathy, emotional support, or good listening skills in the men you consider as viable mates, the quicker you will find what you really want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

Drop him, you'll only be frustrated because you will never really feel his penis inside. I have found a well endowed man and couldn't be happier in bed, of course, there are other reasons why I love him. I do know however, after being with a guy who has 8 inches, it doesn't feel good going to a man with 6 inches.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

You sound like a shallow person. You broke up with him because his penis was too small. Now you run into him years later and he looks better and has money and success and you wonder if you should overlook his penis size? Come on. He should overlook you. You're obviously not into him. If you truly cared about him, his status, nor his penis size would be of primary concern. Who he is as a person would be. There are ways to work around penis size, or lack of great success for that matter, but ignorance is forever.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

It's obvious you prefer a well-endowed man, but it also seems like this guy is perfect in every way except below the belt. Why not stay with this guy and get yourself a nice big dildo for the vaginal stimulation you crave? Or I suppose you could find yourself a well-hung lover and keep this very discreet. This may be more difficult than you might think, however, as only about five percent of the male population are in this category. The average size is around five inches, and very few men are larger than seven inches. There are many ways to please a woman without having intercourse, but it's also true that nothing beats an earth-shattering vaginal orgasm, and usually it takes an extra-large penis to achieve the deep penetration required. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007):

Well, thank goodness you're the perfect female to stake such a claim.

I suppose your breasts are perfect? You never get moody during menstruation? You are the perfect companion?

What goes around comes around. Remember that when you're suddenly cut adrift by someone you'd hoped to be close with.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

Here's a thought for you women:

You all get gleeful over the BRUTAL procedure of penile enlargement, which actually severs the tendon maintaining a bona fide erection.

Isn't it far better that you have your vaginas SHRUNKEN? Aren't there surgeries pushing the G-spot forward?

I like how you clowns think we should have organs become larger - when having organs made smaller is easier and more logical. So, ladies...

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A female reader, imnotcircumsized United States +, writes (6 December 2007):

imnotcircumsized agony auntIf you can get off clitorally, then make sure he's orally fixated. I can only get of on top... maybe you should try that. I'm pretty sure that if his penis is a normal size, you should be able to get off in that position... or maybe another... you should try a few things out. or, if that doesn't work, and you really like him... be blunt and try to get the problem fixed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

Two words.

Karma Sutra.

I can tell you there are some possies in there that will cure the small penis thing of yours.

Because if he's small it will come down to technique and position. You just gotta keep experimenting until you find one that works.Of course he could always get surgically enlarged. But those are risky and quite often leave a man peeing out of a plastic tube.

It's that you are willing to dump a guy for his penis size that really has me concerned. So get stuck into as many sex help books as you can and make sure he can find the clitoris.

Flynn 24

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

Well, my vote is to let him go. I am also very sexual and think that sex in a marriage is very important. It is a bonding that you share and making love in a marriage needs to be fulfilling. It should never be taboo and if you already know that he does not please you, the education, financial, success, etc. will not be enough. Usually when you meet your soul mate, you are so madly, sexually, crazy for them, that you cannot get enough. Don't settle...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

I'm a little bit curious as to what his "too small" numbers are.

Most women I've known might have opinions but few like this. I'm surprised that you're so totally thrilled about this guy in every single other way and yet this one thing is a deal-breaker every time. Is he just totally tiny or something? Or are you really heart-set on getting a huge one? Is it both of those things adding together that rule him out?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

I wonder what's on his "perfect woman" list and how you score.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007):

well..i guess i'd ask, if the penis thing weren't a problem, how serious would you want to be with this person, like...would you want to stay with him the rest of your life, or would you just want to casually date or what. i ask this because...there are these toys that a man can put on himself to like make him bigger, sort of like a condom/sheath that extends the penis length/girth but that would take A LOT to bring up, and it would not be something that one would bring up to someone you're having casual sex with i don't think. of course, hurting his pride/ego is a huge issue too here...but i feel like you know, it's not just him, not to say 'oh it's probably your vaginal canal's fault' but some people's bodies just dont' really work together for sex, so if you frame it like that maybe he'd be more willing to get one of these toys. let me know if you want more info on them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007):

Well it sounds like it is a very big deal to you so that is definitely something that you shouldn't overlook. I mean I think sex is very important. I don't think that you should sacrifice your tastes and wants, especially if they are that important to you, simply because you want to be practical.

Alot of people in this world settle into relationships probably just to be practical. And I DON'T agree with that at all. But you sound a little more picky than the average person and I think that is great. Look if you are capable of meeting someone as great as john, then you are surrounding yourself with cool people so you are bound to meet someone else just as great.

I say don't settle. But of course it is up to you. Maybe now that it has been ten years it is something that you can overlook?? But if it's not then by all means just let it fizzle out.

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A male reader, Luvmawife United Kingdom +, writes (1 December 2007):

I would give you the correct advice on this matter, the only trouble is your rather young to be talking about mens penis

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A male reader, Samutsen Poland +, writes (1 December 2007):

Samutsen agony auntFirst of all you are not appearently 10-12:). So correct your post accordingly. second of all...The size doesnt matter but the function does, as the saying goes...But in fact no, the fact is yeah..women love big penis. whatever the function is...The function in my book is how much time, how long the erect penis in the vagina, doing the movement, can last until ejaculation. It is more than anything else the function.

Lets get to the point...Life unfortunately is not perfect. Not perfect for him not perfect for you. But he is seemingly taking his small problem quiete well and not making a big issue of it. I am poretty sure he has fucked already many girls and has confidence in himself.

But you...You already made this big penis an issue, and in fact you left him in the first place just for this reason. (And you were kind enaough not to tell the reason, although he wouldnt, I think, mind it, since he is a strong man).

So you made it a problem, you are a highly sexy person so, the answer is clear. You will never be fully happy with him and always your eyes will catch the the tight jeans and pants hiding the big penises...It is not good. So give it up. And ...Dont feel sorry and dont regret when you get old, and see him happy, with a cute wife at a cosy home with pretty children...

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A female reader, vodka-tearz United Kingdom +, writes (1 December 2007):

vodka-tearz agony auntYou sound like you like this man very much. May I suggest, being highly sexual, you should try a sex toy to satisfy yourself? As I'm sure you know there are other ways of satisfying sexually, not just intercourse. My personal opinion is to keep this man. You sound like a great match and I hope you take my advice. At least try it, again, it could turn into something incredible.

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