A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been in a 2.5 year relationship. Told him back in December that we needed to take some space as he had a job offer in another state and I wanted him to make a clear, honest decision without me being a factor. I told him that I wanted the best for him and he said he loved me so much and didn't want anyone else. So he makes the decision to go, now he doesn't want me to go and wants space in the relationship. Was I wrong for giving him space in the beginning? I feel completely alone and don't know what to do. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Thank you for the responses! Our relationship was good but I knew I was not ready to make that kind of move as I felt we were too young to be that serious. Plus I have a career, friends, etc. That I love and didn't want to let go of. I just worry that I made a mistake. And yes, I did want him to say that he wanted me to go and loved me unconditionally. I guess only time will tell...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 June 2008):
Have you thought that he's going to go over there and needs space to think about his career?
If you moved in and set up home and got a new job and new friends and you spent tonnes of cash on a new place and doing it up.... and then after 3 months he decided he hated his new job and wanted to move back.... well that would be annoying.
This way he can go off, dedicate himself to long hours and socialising and if it's not for him then he can come back and you won't have been messed about. Or he can ask you to come out and join him safe in the knowledge that he won't be making you give up things unnecessarily.
Ring him up and ask where you stand.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hmmm - this is a difficult situation for you...but you must admit you kind of gave him the opportunity to come up with this plan - and that must have been for some reason. Have you guys been having some 'issues' prior to this job offer? In answer to your question - I don;t think you were wrong to give him the space in the beginning...but perhaps you gave him the 'space' but weren't really prepared for him to use it and make that clear, honest decision...maybe subconsciously you wanted him to declare his love for you and tell you he couldn't be without you...NOT come back and say he wants to go alone. I suspect there is alot more to your situation - but it is a positive sign that he is telling you he loves you. I think you are going to have to respect his wishes - give him the time and space he's asking for...even if it will kill you to see him go without you. Talk about how his decision affects you, and tell him that it is not what you want....ask him what he sees happening for the two of you once he does move. It won;t be fair for him to leave you with no sense of what you can expect etc....so, if you can, get a clear understanding of what will happen...so, will he call you? Can you phone him? When will you see each other again? (he may not know this yet..)you'll need to determine whether he plans to be 'seeing other people' - and then I suppose that would mean you could too...I just don;t think it would be fair for him to go with this abstract concept of "space in the relationship" as all you have to go on....you need a definition of what that is...or you will go nuts!!And...you won't be able to get on with your own life!!I hope things work out - that he has some time apart from you and realises how much he loves and needs you in his life...but if that isn;t the case, better to know sooner rather than later my friend. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I am the same age as you, and coming from a 5.5 yr relationship I understand what you are going through, believe me its not your fault, you did what your heart told you to do, and he will come back hunny, believe me, they always do. now its just a matter of whether not you are going to take him back, and if he doesn't come back then it wasn't meant to be in the first place, and you will find the love your life, Hey he could be standing in front of you the whole time and you never noticed because you have been with the other guy for 2.5 yrs. Be strong and don't worry everything will work out.
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