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He is avoiding me because he doesn't want to hurt me.

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Question - (27 April 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have known this guy for over 2 years now and we get along great. About a year ago, we started fooling around, and 2 months ago, I gave him my virginity. We have had sex twice since then, and now he is avoiding me because he doesn't want to hurt me.

I am 18 and he's 10 years older than me, so what he says is that he doesn't want to keep me from doing normal things when I go off to college (20 minutes from his house). He doesn't want me to feel tied down by my "old" boyfriend. We still talk online and on the phone, but he will not see me because he thinks that things will get out of control and we will have sex again.

I know he is nervous about everything and that he is just trying to do what he thinks is best for me in the long run. I'm very happy with him though, and I think he may be "the one." It is killing me that he won't let us be together, and I suggested doing something as friends, but he is convinced that we will be all over eachother in 2 seconds flat. How do I convince him that what he thinks is right, isn't right for me at all. I love him, I don't feel tied down, and it would kill me to lose him.

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A male reader, maverick United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2007):

maverick agony auntHello.

There could be a number of reasons why he is avoiding you.

- He may not want to get attached to you and then find you've suddenly matured (you're 18) and have a new trendy youth lifestyle (old-bf young-gf insecurity that many guys including me have had) and leave him behind

- He may have low-self esteem and think he is not worthy of you (it happens)

- He could be just trying to brush you off in a nice way by claiming not to hurt your feelings (I've done that)

- There are probably other ideas as well but those are the ones that come to mind.

If you are serious about looking to have this work then it maybe a good idea to have some time together in person and ask how he could hurt you? What could you two do? Talk about how you both feel.

From an outside guy perspective, If I was 28 and really liked a 18 year old girl then I would go straight for the relationship.

The horrible truth of it is when a guy doesn't want to be with a girl - any excuse ("i don't want to hurt you") is irrelevant. It maybe better to let go and avoid tormenting yourself through MSN and other ways.

There is nothing to convince him otherwise. People will always act out on their feelings. His actions are indcators of his feelings.

Please take care and feel free to message again. M

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