A
female
age
51-59,
*oman066
writes:I have a real problem!!..I separated from husband of 17 yrs approx 5yrs ago..i then did the 'wild child thing!!' for approx 3 yrs ie. did one night stands etc.. but eventually settled down to just living on my own with my 2 girls and doing 'what was required of me!!'.. i then went onto internet dating and after various dates etc..found someone who i thought 'was the one!!' but after living together for 18mths I now find life totally intorrable..ie.. he hates my 15yr old daughter, he thinks she is totally disrespectfull, i have caught him 4 times with 'porn'..twice on my PC and the other times with mags..I JUST AM AT MY WITS END..DO I CONTINUE WITH THIS [bearing in mind he does have some good aspects££] or do I move on...??? ps.. THE PORN IS A BIG ISSUE FOR ME!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Doesn't your daughter have a hard time living with someone who doesn't like her? That should be as important or more so than the porn issue!
There are things in relationships that are hurdles to overcome and then there are dealbreakers....it sounds to me like you have dealbreakers! You should seriously consider leaving this man.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I agree with GinsengMeow here, you have used some very extreme phrasing to describe your feelings.
The thing that strikes me is that you've lived together for 18 months and you don't seem to have found a way to communicate and compromise on the issues that face you. This isn't a relationship that is growing, I think.
How have your discussions about these points gone? Do you reach some sort of rapport or do you each just sulk off, convinced that each of you are the one in the right?
No amount of money could keep me in a relationship if the fundamentals weren't there. Fundeamentals to me are: compassion, respect, willingness to compromise if necessary, among others. That's not to say we don't have fights--we do, but we've learned how to 'fight fair' and work things through. The point is that we want what is best for each other and have a deep and passionate desire to keep the relationship strong and healthy. It takes work, alas.
Whatever the stressors are on a relationship, and yours are certainly very valid issues, you should still WANT to try to fix things.
If you've given up and he's given up, then you're not going to get anywhere and you might as well move on. Obviously, it's more complicated in that you are living together, but what's your alternative?
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): What about the daughter, isn't she a big deal to you. If he truly hates her, and she is not being disrespectful to him, but a teenager that feels left out or like he isn't her real dad so why should she listen to him, then that is a deal breaker right there.
It doesn't sound too good, if you want to try some counseling, I would recommend that....sounds like the whole family needs it. It is hard to blend two families together like this, especially while Just Living Together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): "I now find life totally intolerable" and "THE PORN IS A BIG ISSUE FOR ME!" counters reasoning of "DO I CONTINUE WITH THIS?"Then the most 'sensible' thing to do on your part is NOT continue with this. "life totally intolerable" doesn't seem like it equates to staying in a relationship with this man, even if he has 'good' points about him, especially if you are already "AT MY WIT'S END". I will assume you have already voiced your feelings to him and you are now looking for 'advice' that should already be quite obvious on what you 'should' do.-----There is a pit of fire in front of you, full of spikes and thorns. Will you continue to walk or will you side step and walk somewhere else? I don't think you are senseless enough to not know what you 'should' do.
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