A
female
age
36-40,
*ourts4
writes:Hi All Please give me advice on this. Im so angry, hurt and frustrated at the same time. This festive season my husband and I had a separation, and he didnt even come to check up on his children. People saw him at this mall with a other young girl walking hand in hand. The other day my cousin saw him at the club with other girls and I was really hurt because he didnt think that he just moved on and we not even separated for a month. The other thing that really shocked me was when someone told me that he is doing drugs. So today he phoned me and told me that he wants to come and see his children. And that he doesnt want to start this year with arguments. The thing is that he left us, and now that he is realizing that he wants to be part of the childrens life's. I dont know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Saying he is doing drugs can mean more than one thing. Is he a self-destructive heroine addict, or did you hear about him trying pot a few times? Big difference. The situation sounds very painful for you right now. But even so, it's important that you do not lose sight of the fact that he has certain rights as a father. He doesn't forfeit those rights just because you don't like him breaking up with you and dating other girls. Those kids are as much his as they are yours.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Being the son of a divorced couple myself, I fully agree with the anonymous poster above.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I know too well what you are going through. My ex and I have 3kids together as well. I left him because of his drug usage and violence. And for that reason he is not in our kids lives. It's a poor example to them, and I was always worried for my kids saftey around him.
If I were you I would just ask yourself that. If you have any reason at all to worry for the saftey of your kids while he is with them, maybe you shouldnt' let him around. If not, then work something out like a schedule between you two. If he doesn't stick to the schedule(meaning if he cancels his time with the kids occasionally,) then make him realize consequences. Your time and your kids time is just as valuable as his and if he doesn't know it, then he looses.
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