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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i have finally found what i need in a man...but he has some baggage i am unsure of how to deal with! he is married but seperated...due for divorce in feb. he has two kids...the mother causes havoc because i am in his life. he was also seeing a girl before he met me...he left her, but know that she knows he is seeing someone else, she claims she's pregnant with his kid, even though she had secretly been seeing her ex at the same time and he just found out! she is constantly harrasing him...and me! what should i do, plz help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): You need to figure out why you are lying to yourself by laying claim that this man and the drama that comes with him; is you need?
Being I am far removed from this...and can see it at face value...let me tell you he isn't a good catch.
I don't care what nice and sweet words he says...actions, focus on the actions.
I don't care how amazing the sex is...so he has good sexual prowess; it's probably the second best thing to being financially stable.
Money and Sex...something to build a loving and lasting relationship/marriage on.
WRONG.
*takes out needle and pops bubble of fantasy*
Individual counselling please. ASAP.
Take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):
The kids and the illigitimate kid are going to have to come before you. The mothers are always going to be in picture forever yelling about dropping off kids late and squaking about wheres the check.
You are going to be riding 4th class in this forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Wow, what a guy...his exes imust/i be harrassing him because he's such a perfect and wonderful man....because they couldn't possibly think he's a low-life sod who walked out on his children. They must want him back....they couldn't ipossibly/i be "harrassing" him for child support or finalization of divorce papers, right? They're just crazy women obsessed with your man. Poor little you.
Really, look at what you've written here. Baggage is one thing, but the man's got two women who he clearly isn't keeping up his responsibilites with, and as these women have children with him, they've the right to "harrass" him for the next 18 years (22 if the kids go to university!). Skim over all the replies and you'll see the same basic advice: stop fooling around with this immature nitwit before you, too, are pregnant and deserted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Whilst I know everyone has baggage, and that is fine, I think perhaps your guy has too much for you to handle. I say that because otherwise you wouldn't need to write on here, would you?
I personally think you are too young to be dealing with someone who is married, going through a divorce, has children and has an ex who is pregnant. If I started dating someone and this baggage came to light - and an ex was still on the scene, I would most probably walk away, you want to feel the most important person in your partners eyes and the first stages of dating are supposed to be the easiest.
It sounds to me that you are already taking on this guys problems, can you see how you are justifying how she may not be pregnant by him because she is secretly seeing her ex? That is really none of your business but it shows you are already too emotionally involved in their situation. Whether or not he is going to be a father is something that really he should sort out LONG BEFORE getting in to another relationship, it is very irresponsible and immature of this guy to do this.
A new relationship seems to be the last thing this guy needs in his life right now, and it is the last thing he should be pushing on to a girl so young.
You've finally found what you need in a man? It doesn't sound like that to me I'm afraid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): I have finally found what I need in a man, one who ditched a marriage only a few months ago and his divorce is not final, and one who left another girl pregnant in the wake of the fallout of his marriage, crazy girl is harassing us because he won't take any responsibilty for the baby aned the b**** knows he is seeing someone else, the nerve!
He is really such a catch and these other women just weren't woman enough for him, but I am, what a lucky girl!
I know I love him and he loves me, so why won't these problems just go away?
Because they won't, he IS NOT WHAT YOU NEED IN A MAN, not anytime soon anyway....he is not even a man, but a silly, confused boy who needs a bunch of women fighting over him to make him feel macho....and you, my dear are to young to know the difference, sorry to say.
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 I agree with Hag, that this man really isn't ready for a relationship....in fact he isn't really divorced yet!! And his ex-girlfriend he met before meeting you seems to me that he probably was cheating on his wife...that's what it sounds like to me. I say this because I was in the same kind of relationship...the ex-girlfriends kept on calling my bf all the time. Then I found out that he was cheating on me with them! needless to say I am no longer with him (Thank God)
My prayers are with you!!!
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A
female
reader, Hag +, writes (30 December 2006):
Honestly this man is not ready for yet another relationship. If he is making you feel as though you need to hang on through all of this, he is probably just leaning on you and doesn't even realize himself that he's not actually in love. Take an objective look at the facts. He has two women still hanging on. Do you really think they never felt the way you do? Sounds like a 'player' to me. This man knows how to make women believe he's the real thing. Your best bet, if you're truelly hung up on him is to try to catch one of the exes during a 'reasonable' moment and find out from her what he has done to make her behave this way. From what I've learned, men seem to be the ones who want to provide drama. They like the attention and maybe even like to see women act 'crazy' over them. (the more, the merrier) Do you really want to be one of them?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): They all sound like trouble. Doesn't sound like he's much of a catch, sorry. Apologies for pointing out that at your age you still have plenty of options - this doesn't need to be one of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): My advice is ditch him. So long as he has a past, its going to affect the present and the future.
If his ex-gf is not pregnant, she may dissapear, however the ex-wife and kids are there to stay. As they should, every kid deserves to have a father
You really have 2 options, firstly deal with it and accept the situation or say your goodbyes. By the tone of your email, i dont think option 1 is going to happen, but hey its your life.
All the best
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