A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have the most wonderful boyfriend. He treats me very well, he's respectful, loving, attentive, everything you could possibly want in a man, and I am madly in love with him.But he has a problem with anger when he gets drunk. Normally, he;s fine. We argue when he's sober and resolve it just as quick, no aggression. But when he drinks spirits/gets very drunk, he can get a bit aggressive.There has only been 2 occasions this has happened, but the last time it ended up in him pushing me out of the way, and I lost my balance and fell over. When I went to leave his house, he kicked my car, leaving a big dent.He's completely remorseful and embarassed and completely sorry and has had my car fixed, he has been to his doctor to request counselling and he is going to an anger management course.Partly to blame are his family - he had a very dysfunctional upbringing and alot of what he saw was anger and aggression as a child.I do love him and I want to help him, I appreciate that he is going to the effort of seeking help and trying to resolve the underlying problem - am I right in staying with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): As you get older you realise what agrees with you and what doesn't, I cant drink red wine as it makes me depressed and moody. I know that and avoid it. My boyfriend acts totally differently when drunk, argumentative etc, he knows it happens and now tries not to have too much. The biggest problem is when a man is like that without drinking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Normally I would say no he wont change, but I have seen that a man can when he really wants to. My fiance had a drink problem when we met, and he is the most wonderful person without drink. but got a bit aggressive when drunk, although not violent in any way. I told him if he wanted to stay with me he had to cut down on the drinking, and he has done. Two years on, he still has the occasional drink, but knows when to stop. I tell him hes had enough, and he stops. Things could not be better. He has to want to change himself, if he loves you enough, he will. I could never understand why women stay with men who drink a lot, but I have known sober men in the past who are aggressive and violent without drink. My boyfriend has too many good qualities for me to just give up on him. I have never known a better man, it was just the drink, now thats stopped I am really happy. So is he, he knows now it was no good for him.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi...sorry for your problem...but dont understand how you can say "I have the most wonderful boyfriend"...thats BS.....and deep down you know it I really do not understand why females stay with men such as these..please tell me why???....the next time he "kicks" something it may not just be your car !!!!! I attend many problems such as these in my work (firefighter) where the woman has been beaten severely...but will she press charges NO....then we have problem with her when the police try to arrest the guy...I see it all the time...what sort of malfunction compels you to stay with a person, male or female, who acts in this way??I agree with "justgirl"...get out while you still can...theres many men out there not into drink and violence...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 If he is doing something about his alcoholic induced anger,
you are making the right decision to stay.
If he drinks, best to stay out of his way..
When he is sober, he will be O.K.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 well i think that the other post is wrong - i have known of alot of men (and women) that have had different alocohol - especially spirits - disagree with them. a friend of mine had a similar problem, and her boyf just stopped drinking spirits at all. now he just drinks beer and there are no problems. i think its great that he is trying so hard to get over this and get help, and i do think that you should stay with im because its not his fault. but i do think that if he hasnt stopped drinking yet, he should, altogether for a while, but spirits should be off limit forever. just be there for him but also let him know that you are not going to be his punching bag just because he has problems. hope this helps hun email me if you want xxx
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