A
female
age
36-40,
*eedananswer000
writes:OKay I have recently moved to europe for a year. I went into a popular bar here and I saw someone that worked there. I was immediately captivated by him. so then i couldnt stop thinking about him.. I went in there again and a friend that is from europe was like 'buy him a drink..the guys like that here'. so i did.. and i could tell he thought that was pretty funny..lol.. so then after he was done.. i went up to him and talked to him and asked if he'd like to hang out and he said yes..then he was like nah i can't i have a girlfriend and i'd feel guilty if i went with you. so i was like okay and i left pretty bummed. well i went back to the bar and he noticed i was there and he was smiling and checking me out. so i went up to him after and was like 'hey im sorry about the other day..i didnt realize you had a girlfriend' and he was like oh no its okay .. we introduced ourselves..he was very nice. so i went back in like a week later and i was told by my friend to just make sure he notices im there but dont pay much attention to him. so we get to the bar and he was coming to work at that time..he walked right by me and smiled and i said hey and then the whole night consisted of him staring at me constantly. I would really like to know this guy better, but i do realize he has a girlfriend and i really respect him for being upfront about it from the start. my question though is why is he doing this kinda thing everytime i go in there and how should i handle this? should i try to get to know him better or act not interested or what? i realize since being here in amsterdam that I am dealing with a completely different type of guy. I have been told repeatedly since I've been here that dutch guys and girls have kinda reversed roles as far as the aggressive and passive one.help!
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female
reader, visione +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Turn 180 degrees around and walk away, avoid that bar if you can. Maybe it's because I value loyalty above all else, but I immediately back down if I found out a guy I was interested in already had a gf. If you want to pursue him as just a friend, you may do so, but make it clear to him (and yourself, don't fool yourself into thinking you want a friendship when you really want more), and that the constant staring is unwanted. And then... just treat him as a friend. Remember those guy friends of yours that you view just as a friend and you can't imagine them anyway else? Put him in that same category.
If you can't deal with that, or you know your emotions are going to get in the way - walk out of it!
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 This is what he thinks:
"This hot American girl wants me...but I have a gf...but it doesn't matter...this girl is here only for a short time and why not have some fun with her...my gf will never know and I will be able to brag about getting with this girl to all my friends."
Do you want to be that girl?
Before you ask what he wants from you, ask yourself what you want from him. You might think you only want to have some fun but I bet that if you get involved, so will your emotions. When he tells you than he can't give you a relationship, because he's in one already, you will get really hurt. Even if you only go into this with the idea of an overseas fling...you can't guarantee that you won't start having genuine feelings for the guy...and he won't be able to reciprocate.
He's flirting with you because you're giving him an ego boost. He likes to think that he's hot stuff and that some foreign girl wants him. This may not have anything to do with you...it could be all about him...do you ever wonder if he does the same thing with other hot foreign girls that come into his bar?
What should you do? Well, what do you want? If you want some sort of a relationship...then don't even go there, he won't give you that. If you want to have fun with a guy who has a girlfriend and who for all we know could be picking up other girls that come to the bar, then sure, flirt all you want and act interested. The first option would be my choice and the second will not get you far. Your choice in the end though.
Wish you all the best in your year o/s.
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