A
female
age
36-40,
*artini175
writes:I feel exactly the same and am going through the same shitty feelings as you. It was on my now husbands!?!?!? stag night. im quite an open minded girl especially when it comes to sex. thing is he said to me prior to the stag and hen parties that he did not want me to have a stripper and we were not the sort of people that needed that for their stag/hen nights. Fair enough I thought. I worked really hard to make sure my girlfriends did not get me a stripper because this is what me and partner had agreed. had a fantastic night only to find out (not from him) but his friend slipped up that he went to a strip club. Initially i was really upset but did not show this. i told myself that this is what every guy does I was just heartbroken that I felt I knew my guy better than this. I got it wrong obviously. So being fine with this was one matter. Then I questioned him I just needed to know cos it was eating me up. He told me he got a private nude lap dance!!!! I'm heartbroken. I married him. I love him. I cant tell noone as I'm too embarressed of what hes done and my feelings. How would you feel about this as its something im not sure that I can get over, help please xx
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female
reader, martini175 +, writes (21 February 2009):
martini175 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your reply. It has helped and i will take everything into consideration. I know that i dont want to feel this way and I know I love him. fingers crossed for the decision that I make. I hope its the right one. thanks again
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 February 2009):
 Honestly I would be furious. But like ArmyMedic pointed out, he might not really have had much of a choice as far as where they went. BUT with that said he could have turned the naked lap dance down, make his best man take the "shot" out of respect for you.
Do you know just how drunk he was?
Though, in my book the biggest mistake your now husband made is this. HE DIDN'T tell you. That is a BAD thing to start out a marriage. Hiding stuff is rotten.
another rotten thing is him telling YOU what you could and could not do for YOUR hen party. He could have told you that he would prefer no strippers etc but to demand that you promise him there will be none is just meeeh bad again.
Can you forgive? I don't know. I think I would but I would find someone who could counsel the two of you in communication skills. It's never to late to start.
Forgiving is up to you. Don't pretend to forgive and throw the lap dance in his face every fight you have.. Think on it LONG and HAND then either forgive or let him go.
Trust is HARD to earn but easy to loose. He should have known better, drunk of his butt or not.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Unfortunately as the groom on your stag night you don't get much choice where you go and what you do. It's all down to your so called friends to either give you a great night out or publicly humiliate you.
Have you asked him if it was his idea and who paid for the dance. Also have you considered the amount he had to drink that night? Did he even pay for the dance, he may well have been stitched up by his mates, boys are mean and we do stuff like that.
And if it was his last night that he could look at another woman rather he had a dance, that he couldn't touch than a random one night stand with a slapper of the street.
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