A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate to discuss finances, but I know that money tends to be the leading cause of marital arguments and divorce, so technically this is a relationship question. I work full time and I make $14.50 per hour. I used to get overtime but because business is slow my company has put a restriction on any overtime. My husband works full time as a laborer and he makes $21.00 per hour plus overtime. It just seems like I'm always paying the majority of the bills because he runs out of money by Monday/Tuesday. Part of our agreement was that I would pay daycare, which is $220.00 per week and he is to pay the rent which is $1050.00 per month. And we would share the other bills as needed. I've never defaulted on my child care expenses but he hasn't been able to make a full rent payment in almost 2 years so we've been steadily falling behind on the rent and incurring an extra $110.00 per month for late fees. Well Monday I was served a garnishment summons by the county police department (AT MY WORK) stating that they are going to start taking 25% of my weekly pay checks for rent. That's approximately $500.00 per month. I forgot to mention I pay my own car payment of $360.00 per month, my own auto insurance of $97.00 per month and I usually pay 1/2 of the monthly utility bills as well as the weekly groceries and doctor visits and medicine for our kids. My point here is that he doesn't seem to think this is a big deal but it's huge for me! He spends a lot of money on beer, cigarettes, weed and lottery tickets. He pays only $200.00 per month for child support for his son from a previous relationship(which he is also behind) he is supposed to pay rent (which he is way behind) and he shares the utility bills. So what the hell am I missing here????? He acts as if he pays out so much but the truth is he spends the majority of his money on junk! We've talked about him handing over his paychecks and letting me handle the finances but he always gets an attitude when I bring it up. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to leave him over this but I am starting to resent him for the financial bind he has put us in that I'm trying to dig us out of. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 I think I will agree with your actions. There is no other way .
You need to be assertive and arm twist him some to get him to do as you want or this family will sink under the mountain of bills.
When life is tough , the tough gets going.
You will need all his cooperations to fight this problem.This is just a temporary problem .Once when you learn how to manage your finances, life would be breezier.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again Laura. I've decided to put my foot down and tell him how it is. He either cuts back or gives up his bad habits or I will cut off any and all financial support that I contribute to and he's going to have to do it the hard way, by himself. What's he going to do, leave me? I seriously doubt it. I hate for it to come down to that, but I'm financially drained and mentally overwhelmed.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2008):
I am sorry about your financial problems.
It looks like you have more money sense than him. Either you have to make more money or you will have to downsize .
He needs to cut down on his beer, cigarettes , weeds and lottery . Those are all bad vices and bad for his health.Gambling can put a large hole in your finances.
It is not easy to convince him to give up those vices but you can ask him to cut down 10% or 20% initially and then slowly give them up in time. It is an addiction and he cannot give up totally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've got a bank accout which I've suggested we put all the money into and manage our money that way. But he cannot open an account or joint account until he pays off almost $600.00 to his previous bank for charges he incurred with them. I think he has a fear that if the money is in my account I have the authority over it and if I wanted to leave I could use his money to do so. Though I don't threaten to leave him or anything, I think it's just a fear that he has because his mom did that to his step dad like 5 times. Thanks for the advice though Laura.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2008):
I would suggest that you take a certain percentage of your incomes and put it into a joint a/c to pay for all those bills.
Calculate how much you will have to pay for all those bills .
That would be a fairer way of sharing bills.
Try to cut down on those unnecessary expenses and those things which you don't need.
Good luck .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo male anon: Thanks for the advice. If just picking up and leaving were as easy as it sounds I would, but it's just not that easy. I've left before and without child support I can't do it completely on my own with what I make. I was fortunate enought to be able to stay with my mom last time I left him but that option is out of the picture now. It takes approx. 2 months to get a court order for child support. I appreciate your honesty, you actually remind me of my dad. It's really nice to get a mature mans point of view.
To Female anon, I always get the excuse that he pays medical insurance (which is about $125.00 per week) and he pays a portion of rent each week. But none of this adds up to the quantity of money that he makes. He's careless with his money and that's all there is to it. I often wonder if he's doing drugs behind my back but he's given no indications of that being true. He doesn't realize how much it costs him to drink and smoke every day. That alone is a car payment or several bills. I'm sorry that you share the same delima, it really sucks to live like this. Instead of wondering if we'll have enough money to ever take a vacation I'm always wondering what I can do to earn extra money to live day to day.
Anyway, thanks for all the advice, it is very appreciated.
Love & God bless!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Yeah.....leave! Your husband makes over $3300. a month and can't pay his rent? It seems to me that you are the dummy in this relationship. You seem like a smart woman, so either make him understand or leave his ass to fend for himself. But NO!, you are probaly a woman with low self esteem and feel you need this man and won't do anything about it until it's too late. Cry me a river baby, but the ball is in your court and you and you alone can make the rules......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): This is the same as my relationship. He always is short of money. Earns more than me too, but I pay all the bills. I will keep an eye out for other answers here as I have this problem too.What excuses do you get from him when he is short all the time? And you have to always make the payments?
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