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anonymous
writes: well...I am 16 years old and went out for 9 months with a lad called Ryan, who is also 16. We lost our virginity to each other and we both felt that we loved each other. In december 04, he broke up with me as I had kissed someone else 3 months into our relationship! He had forgiven me but then said he couldn't forgive me after all. I thought it was a pathetic reason for him to break up with me and a week later he realised he couldn't live without me and we got back together. This time around though, he couldn't be bothered to see me and generally lost interest so I found someone that was interested. I didnt cheat on Ryan, but Ryan found out I was seeing this other lad and he dumped me again! I really miss him and I constantly tell him I love him but he doesn't want to know and says he's over me! The worst thing is he now likes one of my best friends, and is always seeing her when I'm there and I have to watch them cuddle each other, although they are not together. I think he is trying to make me jealous but it's tearing me apart as I miss him so much and want him back...help!!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 February 2005):
 You need to mentally step away from this situation, and re-read your letter as if it was written by someone you don't know. I'll summarise it, and call the writer of your letter "Miss X"."Miss X and Ryan went out for nine months and had their first sexual experience together. They thought they were in love, but within 12 weeks, Miss X was kissing someone else. Ryan found out and he was really hurt! He tried to forgive Miss X, but he couldn't forget the betrayal and ended their relationship."Ryan missed her and gave her another chance, but for whatever reason, he didn't work very hard at being a good boyfriend, so Miss X found another boy and showered him with her affections instead. This time Ryan was devastated and left for good."Miss X now pesters him endlessly, claiming to love him, even after cheating twice in nine months. Ryan's not going to be hurt by her a third time, and is demonstrating that, even though Miss X treated him like he wasn't important or attractive, other girls like him well. Very, very well."Re-worded, does it seem like a different situation? The only liberty I've taken is to present it from Ryan's probable point of view.The point is that you're much more culpable in this break-up than your boyfriend, even though you're blaming him. If you loved him, and if you were the devoted and wronged partner as you seem to think you are, you wouldn't have been dating and/or kissing someone else - twice - during your relationship with Ryan.You will probably have to face the fact that you've lost this guy for good. You didn't treat him very well and he was hurt by your selfishness. Chalk this one up to "a learning experience", which you'll have to try to remember the next time you have a long-term boyfriend.Sorry that I can't be more cheerful or optimistic.-B
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