A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need a bit of reassurance. I was with a guy over the summer after getting out of a long term relationship with another earlier that year. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship at all, but I started to really like this guy more than I had planned to and we really connected on many levels. After a month or two of having a fling with him he suddenly stopped texting me or responding to me without any explanations or arguments, and I recently found out that he's now with another girl. He didn't even break things off properly with me- now, he has a bad reputation for being with a lot of girls in short amounts of time and I know he's not someone I would have wanted to date in the long run. Still, this kind of upsets me and makes me feel like I wasn't good enough. Help. :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 like you weren't good enough for WHAT?
this is the problem for many with NSA/FWB flings... sex makes us CARE.... the hormones that rush to us during sex are what bind us to the person we are having sex with.
You had a summer fling with a man you knew to be a dog...
it was a choice you made and his behavior does not reflect on you....
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 September 2013):
I suppose you feel used and now your confidence is hurt a bit but perhaps you should not be going after guys who are known players. You even said it yourself that you wouldn't have dated him in the long run. Instead of looking-to quick flings you should focus on yourself and try to figure out what it is you really want. Your current actions will only hurt yourself and worse, hurt the one who actually do care about you.
Your friends and family will want to see you happy and will cheer you up and be there for you when you need them the most. You have a good chance here to find someone worth keeping for the long run so don't sell yourself short. Maintain a positive attitude and get over this guy fast because I think you have wasted more than enough time on him. Things will work out, it always does. Even though it feels like you have to rush and play catch up to everyone else, just take your time and never lose hope.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You said it: "I wasn't looking for a serious relationship at all" and that is what you got - a casual hook up over the Summer months. The problem came about when YOU started having feelings for the guy. He didn't change from who you first met and you probably told him you were not wanting anything serious, so he didn't forget that.You even say "after a month or two of having a fling" - that is what it was, a fling. So why would it bother you when he disappeared or moved on to another fling. He didn't promise any different, and you didn't want anything more.Chalk it up to experience, forget him as he sounds "easy" and will only break your heart. Get busy, move on with your life and definitely don't stalk him on facebook or with friends. It was short, it was sweet, but it's over.It wasn't about you not being good enough - it was about neither of you originally wanting "anything serious". If you came across as someone who wants a relationship not a casual fling, he may have behaved differently or not been in the picture in the first place.Give yourself time to heal from your original long term relationship, forget the casual fling for what it was, and look to the future with someone who DESERVES to be with you! Set your standards higher, you are worth more than this.Sorry he hurt you, but you will find someone BETTER :)
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