A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why would a guy who has simply stated with clarity that he doesn't see a future with me because, I don't share his culture, race or language be so hell bend on me remaining "friends" with him? It's not like we were friends before---we have a brief sexual relationship that I want to end due to a number of things, one being I feel as though he is ashamed of me---ashamed of what his family and friends would think of me and the fact that I have come to realize that he is rude, selfish and cheap. The way I see things, it's fine if he doesn't want to be with me--that's something I will have to get over because, I should have been much smarter and ran in the other direction when he told me that all he wanted was to use me to pleasure his body, but by that time I was totally into him after months of him flirting with me. So I take full resp. for that, but now he wants influence me to believe that we are somehow "friends" and that he doesn't want to lose our friendship and how he wants me in his life and blah, blah, blah---my question is for what? Just because we talk on the phone every other night or I do things to help him out with his business and health and he has done one or two things for me that does not equate to a friendship in my book---furthermore, I don't want to be friends with someone with whom I still have feelings for AND with someone who seems to be ashamed to tell his friend(s) that I am a different race or culture than he is, nor do I want to be friends with someone who told me that he was just using me to pleasure his body either. Why is it that I can respect his choice, but he wants to try to push this so called "friendship" thing on me? Sometimes I think he just wants my friendship because, he thinks I'm a really nice a good person, because, I'm smart and helpful with his business, and because, he if I stay friends with him, he doesn't have to feel like a jerk for some of the insulting comments and behavior he has displayed towards me. He is almost 50 and I'm way younger than him and if he hasn't learned by now that it's not a nice thing to look at another human being for sexual purposes only, then maybe he will never learn. Besides, I wasn't coming on to him anyways---I started to open up and like him because, he had been flirting with me for months on end AND then he after we became sexual, he denied it!! SMH....I'm still learning about men and how these sorts of things work. I want to kick myself in the butt for getting myself involved in such a situation...I do want to end this and I don't want to be friends, am I wrong for this?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 December 2012):
So you saw a weird broken man and thought he would change for you? Well that was my only explanation. I do not know why a lady like yourself would continue to be in circles with a guy like this although this is the person he wants to be.
The thing is that it is crystal clear his future does not lay with you and he has given you numerous signs of this. It is not a matter of right and wrong but rather you need someone who will remain faithful and be proud of the smart, caring and generous person you are. I think everyone can agree that you can do much better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): Sweetheart you are wasting your valuable time when you could be building your esteem and allowing someone more beautiful to come in your life and love you for you. How can you do that to yourself? You are loosing years. Your not tied to this selfish person who doesn't respect you AT ALL, do you hear me, AT ALL. He has time to kill and your willing to pleasure him at his beck and call. He is very articulate with words and your falling, he is working on your psyche and winning. Breathe in life for you, not for this pig to take advantage of your young youthful years. He is ashamed of you, your young, your not his culture. You know that old saying that Men marry women and not the tramps. I am not trying to hurt you, you have done enough on yourself. Please, I hate to hear you doing this to yourself and feel confused while he is just laughing knowingly all he has to do is smile and say something sweet and you will be there. If he's going to get it free from you, at your willing pace, he like all pigs will take it with the idea that you know what your doing. They find no fault and have no compassion for you. and the passion you think you might be sharing, it's all in your head, one sided, cause he is only thinking of getting his needs met. Please utilize your smarts, your beauty, your spirit and offer it to someone who deserves it as much as you do. Life is too too too short and never as long as you think you will have. Please don't let this man who knows what he is doing, continue.
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A
female
reader, yanna58  +, writes (10 December 2012):
Sweetie, you made a mistake. Chalk it up to a life experience and move on. Do not be friends with this man.The reason you're so upset about this situation is ego. This relationship bruised yours and inflated his. By your own account, this man is no good. Frankly, he sounds like a miserable person bent on hurting others. (Don't even get me started on him.) Most importantly, it doesn't sound like you love him. You're just mad that he won. I promise you he didn't. Which leads to your question: why does he want to be friends? Because he's messed up and damaged and he loves the control he has over a beautiful, young woman who still has optimism and a chance for happiness. You still believe in kindness and in treating people well. You still believe in love and warmth. You will find love and happiness. He won't. He gave up a long time ago and he wants to hurt everyone in his path.Take your bruised ego and walk away. Block him. Change your phone number and email if you have to, but walk away before you become as damaged and as cynical as he is.Best wishes and good luck! There's a wonderful man waiting for you. Don't rush it. He'll find you at the right time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 You've found a sexual predator, a manipulator, a selfish person. Cut contact and don't look back. He's doing his best to keep a sex source on tap by offering "friendship." It's self-serving and manipulative and you are not wrong for avoiding this at all!
Cut the ties, cut contact and be free.
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