A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone. first thing is that I am married, but someone has come to my life and has me all confused. My husband and me are having to many problems. OK getting to the point. I met this guy about a year ago, he works at his father store just a couple feet away from my home. He is ver inependent guy who also own his store and of course has a girlfriend. The first time he saw each other there was a mutual connection, to the point that when I came out of the store he was glancing at me through the glass as I was getting in my car. Month when buy and we started taling and of course joke around, well it seems that he would joke around just to catch my attention and of course he would change his tone of voice when I was around like telling me look I am here. Time has pass, yes he knows my husband and most of my family. I know that a mutual feeling started between us, his eyes would tell me, his action would tell me, but lately I dont know whats going on. For the pass couple of days he has been acting differently. we said hi one day and h ewould tell metake care and then just walked away. for the past 2 days, if I come in to the store he wont even look at me, he leaves me stading there so his dad can take care of me, just keep talking and taking care of someone else. He just walks away, not looking at me anymore. What did I do, whats is happening. I know you guys are gonna judge me cause I am married, but come on, no body can demand the heart to stop feeling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): It is bodega and I usually go before work. I do understand every thing you guys are saying. Once again I can say there is something going on with him, there is something that I feel and in this person. I know there is some sore of feeling moving around him toward me. We talked again, at first he ignore me I was right in front of him, I got really upset and kind of gave him a mean attitude, I asked if he was listening, got whatever I needed an walked away. Then when I went back, he started a conversation with, I guess just to break the tension. The reason I feel this way, is that I just realize that there were times I just let go on real love. Not saying that I don't love my husband. I never had the chance of having someone being interested in me. I am aways the one, the first one fall in love. What I see in him is the person that always dream of, someone mature that will take care of, instead of me taking of him. Wth,, maybe you guys a right, it could be a fantasy, but when we talk is something special, I know cause I feel it I am there. I never felt like this before towards some one,,, I would alway like someone and then just jump in a relationship. I'll keep you updated
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): well..hes not looking for a married woman. You are married, what do you want??
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2013):
 The reason this bothers you is because your marriage is not good. If your marriage was good, a small flirtation would make it better not make you so sad when it was over.
The reason it’s over is that he’s a taken man (he has a girlfriend) and he’s a businessman and you are a client. He sounds like a lovely wise businessman who knows that a good flirtation is good for business.
Like others I see here who so need/want the other person to feel the way THEY feel, you are projecting YOUR feelings of attraction to him onto him by saying “…there was a mutual connection,…” You don’t really know that. You just HOPE that’s what it is.
As you went in to see him over the months, he got more comfortable with you and you would joke around. That makes sense to me too.
Apparently what’s going on now, is that he realized that you are misinterpreting his friendly flirtations as an interest in helping you cope with a bad marriage. He probably never meant it that way and now is back pedaling to get you to see the truth. He has a girlfriend. He views himself as off limits. YOU have a husband you are off limits.
What kind of store do they have that you are in there EVERY DAY? (I’m thinking even a bodega in NYC would not NEED you to go in EVERY DAY unless you were clearly making the excuse to go in and see him.)
You can feel what you want all you want. That’s fine. You can’t make someone else feel what you want them to. You can believe he did feel this way but it’s probably all in your head. You need the attentions of another man to help you cope with the things lacking in your marriage.
Either that or you want to make sure you are attractive to the opposite sex enough so that you can garner the courage to leave the marriage. No one wants to leave a tolerable situation for the unknown and the fear of being alone forever.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 January 2013):
 i'm not gonna be that person who judges and says your heart should stop feeling. but i will, however, be that person who tells you that you have the option to walk away from those natural human urges we ALL have, and do the right thing. everybody, no matter how long they've been married or together, will encounter feelings or connections with another person at one point or another. and what we choose to do in those situations is what shows the kind of character we have. if i were you, i'd stop worrying so much over the superficial connection you have with a stranger, and start focusing more on your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): "no body can demand the heart to stop feeling."
You aren't feeling, you're fantasizing. You liked the attention he was giving you and he stopped giving it to you cold turkey. It probably stings your pride a little, but I think what really bothers you is that his indifference stops you from fantasizing about him and you no longer have a mental escape route from the problems in your own marriage.
If you're in a bad place, in a bad relationship, it's natural to be lonely and craving a connection. But I doubt this man and you have a "connection" or a "mutual feeling." You are still strangers as you've never had a conversation. He probably thought you were attractive and didn't mind a little eyeball foreplay until other people (like his father or other customers) noticed.
He's avoiding you likely because he wants to guard his reputation. That's probably the same reason you haven't gone out and asked him for a date...you probably wouldn't want your husband who you have so many problems with unhappy.
So why not try to solve your problems with your husband before pretending a stranger has broken up with you.
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