A
female
age
41-50,
*obbu82
writes:Almost three weeks ago, my boyfriend decided that he needed time because he was confused about wanting to be with me or his ex girlfriend. I told him that I would give him time, and that is what I did. I started no contact and for almost three weeks, I didn't hear from him. Then on Thursday, he called me, and I decided to call him back. I thought that he would have something to tell me i.e. he had made up his mind... but nothing! He tells me he is still confused, and that it is hard to get rid of her because she always calls and lives close. I got upset and told him to never call me again. I hung the phone up on him because I was so mad. Afterwards, he leaves a message saying that if in the future he decides what he wants, he was going to call me. This is a 33 year old man and I feel like I'm dealing with someone much younger. I have had men pull away, but they always come back when they have made up their minds. So this to me, is a really SPECIAL case. I don't even think I want to be bothered any more. I haven't even cried about it, I'm just disappointed. HELP!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 March 2009):
 Hi, bobbu, it sounds to me that you did the right thing for yourself. If he's so confused and ambivalent about his ex after all this time, I'll bet he continues being so. He was trying to keep you on a string in case things didn't work out with her, I think. She's not done with him yet, and he isn't done with her either. You don't want to hang around while he gets his stuff together. There's a good possibility that he never gets it together, that she would be a factor in your relationship wih him forever. Chronological age isn't necessarily a predictor of emotional maturity.
I know it's hurtful and infuriating to be shown to be second best, that's your disappointment. The bad news is that he is confused. The good news is that you're moving on with your life and not putting things on hold waiting for him to grow up.
Take care of yourself, hang out with your good friends, keep busy! And don't secondguess your decision, I think you made the right one.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, 300494  +, writes (2 March 2009):
hmm.. well i think that this guy thinks that you are going to be there whenever he wants to drop you or change is mind. You need to let him know that you are not always going to be there. You need to confront him and tell him that it isnt good to be left around waiting all the time and he needs to make up his mind. I hope this helped a little bit (Y). xx
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