A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to this guy for a few months, our birthdays are several days apart. I got him something for his birthday and he seemed to love it. He told me how grateful he was, how good it made me feel and he was going to make my day special etc etc. My birthday comes around he doesn't text or call. The next day I let him know my feelings were a bit hurt and it turned into a argument. Instead of saying sorry I forgot, he said I remembered, but was sick. I know he didnt remember because we texted briefly on my birthday. I got a happy belated birthday and I'm going to get u something. I told him I didn't want his happy belated birthday or his gift. Now what turned me off was, Why not just admit you forgot. Why is that so bad. I ended up hanging up on him and now I feel bad. Did i over react? What can I do?Also, after i hung up I sent a text saying I'm not mad about the happy birthday ..it was the principle behind it.
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male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (25 January 2016):
 I will admit to being one of those people who are BAD at remembering important dates. I am one of seven kids, so there are nine birthdays to remember and I guess I just gave up eventually. So, I often forget birthdays, and that sometimes upsets family members.
This, of course, is different. I think it is perfectly understandable that you would be upset by this.
What can you draw from this that will be helpful moving forward? This is obviously a big first clue about some of his likely character issues, right? Maybe not a very considerate person, doesn't like to admit he's wrong, issues telling the truth.
You can't go overboard just based on this one situation, but you at least know where to start paying attention.
On the other hand, there are worse things a guy can do, right?! And I would always suggest, if you think the other person may be worth it, to give room for some mistakes like this in the early going. Just know that your response was justified and understandable, so you don't really have to apologize. And you also should not let this become too big in your own mind or in the relationship.
So...take a deep breath and give some time for things to settle down. Maybe let him sleep on it, and you do the same. Then, text him and say it's all good (if you want to continue). No need for any "but...", I am sure he has figured it out by now! :-)
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really believe that finding the right person (for me at least) is less about finding someone who is as close to perfect as possible, and more about finding someone who has a particular set of issues and problems that I can deal with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): People forget, it happens. Even when they love you.
But he started covering his ass by spewing bullshit when you reminded him. That's a sign of someone who's not truly invested in you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 January 2016):
 Why say you weren't mad about the happy birthday when that was WHAT you were mad about!?
It's not just the "principle". Yes, he should just have admitted he forgot, but that would have been JUST as hurtful, so LEARN to mean what you say and say what you mean.
One thing though, doing something nice for another person, as in remembering their birthday, buying a gift shouldn't COME with strings. They shouldn't feel like they HAVE to do the same to you, however... most social conventions suggest that you DO "return" the favor.
And I do find it ridiculous that he was so happy when you remembered his and got him a present, because he then knew FULL well that your birthday was coming up and he COULD have added your date to his cellphone calendar (I have people's birthdays in my phone and in my email system so I get a notification - and I'm NOT super great with tech, but I CAN do that... so if I can do that... so could he.) Being sick doesn't mean he can't send you a text or call and say happy birthday. But let's say he was REALLY crappy with high fever and everything... well, he KNEW your birthday was coming up so he would have bought you something/card already wouldn't he?
I get that with new relationships it's hard to figure out how long to date before birthdays, special days, holidays are important, but I think when you SET to tone by showing him that YOU remembered, the LEAST he could do was call and say happy birthday.
So you have to decide if you want to continue with this guy and accept that he slipped up, and that he is refusing to admit he forgot.
And if you DO forgive that, then leave it in the past and move on.
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