A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid....I have been with my partner for 5 years.About two years ago I found out that he had had phone sex with another girl, I found out by snooping (not by him telling me). When he was confronted he was extremely upset, all tears and said it was stupid and would never happen again. About a year ago I found out (the same way) that the same thing had happened with a different girl. Never physical but still cheating in my book. He cried, promised me it would never happen again, and I swept it under the rug and moved on.We have a great life together and I truly enjoy spending time with him, but ever since I have just not felt the same. The physical attraction has diminished and I wonder whether I have done the right thing by staying. Then I reassure myself that I could not imagine life without him and everything is OK now....I am just wondering whether this feeling will go away? How do I know if it is that I still not over him cheating and will get better with time, or whether it is not going to work? I am worried that I am only thinking this way because I am wondering if the grass is greener, and if I did leave I would regret it.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 I would submit to you that in some cases a non-physical or an emotional affair is equally as damaging for its victim. When we are cheated on, be it physical or not, we want to believe the cheater's protestations that it wont happen again, or it was just one time, or that it did'nt mean anything. we want to hold on to some shred that they are noble in their direction, and that we may have misjudged. Then it happens again. And we watch it happen like a train wreck that we cant tear our eyes from.Then again the same round of excuses(and we never really find out the whole truth). Then trust is gone and resentment sets in. And no I don't think we truly ever get over it, for we try to find reasons why or even blame ourselves when deep down we realize that cheaters are simply selfish individuals who will do what they do and continue to unless they are faced with LOSING something.I think you need to seek some kind of counseling for yourself, if not relationship counseling for both of you. I can't fault you for trying to keep your relationship intact, but you will have to decide at what price?Please feel free to PM me and I can direct you towards some very helpful resources that may in fact benefit you.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 if u are feeling slightly doubtful about this relationship, it suggests to me that u still dont totally trust him, this denial has caused u to have the physical reaction of pulling away from him physically.
he did wrong by cheating and u forgave him but its obvious the denial on your part isnt being accepted by your heart.
i suggest u maybe have a break from him, see how life is without him in it, do u feel any different?
see if u miss him?
as they say absense should make the heart grow fonder, if u find it doesnt then give up this relationship and follow ur instincts.
if however u do feel attached to him after the trial separation it shows u still care enough and give the relationship a try.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): I have been through the same but on a much worse level. We are now over because the whole episode got worse as she kept lying. I know exactly what you mean by physical attraction diminishing. It may get better in time for you,but it didnt for me.
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