A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi..I've been really down because me and my boyfriend just recently had a fight but this one was different. He said he was tired of having disagreements and he said he can't keep going through these kind of disagreements anymore. He's never had a girlfriend before let alone been in anything relatively close to relationship while I've been in four. However, he said he doesn't want a relationship with arguments because a perfect one wouldn't have any. I've told him straight up and said, i've been in a lot of relationships and there's always going to be arguments at certain points. There's no such thing as a relationship where you don't argue at all unless one of the people in it is a plastic figurine or something. Also, with my boyfriend at the moment, I've found we've had way fewer arguments than any of my other boyfriends before. We get along much better and he's sweet and kind and thoughtful to me. He exploded this time and said he couldn't handle this relationship anymore because we had two arguments within a span of a month. I don't want to let him go because he's treated me so well thus far and he's the kind of guy I actually considered spending forever with.. But at the same time I want to let him go so that he'll find someone else and realize that there's no such thing as a relationship with no fights. I know it sounds cruel but he doesn't want to believe that the relationship right now is perfect enough for him because we disagree. I can't think of another way for him to realize that our relationship right now is much more peaceful than others but if he just leaves me for someone else like that I won't take him back.. I'm extremely confused..He doesn't like conflict at all so when there's a disagreement he feels like the only solution is to just leave.. please help..
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 Hi
I prefer to discuss things, not argue.I wouldn't want to argue twice a year never mind twice a month, lifes too short.Couples who fight alot and think its normal are rare.
You are just simply 2 different personalities by the sounds of it and while you are vocal and assertive he is more passive and doesn't do drama.So not compatable together.
This reply is based on you having arguments rather than just a moan,you dont say how bad they were so its hard to tell.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 You seem to be very different personalities, with very different ideas about conflict and how to handle it. Probably there is no right or wrong, just a different defintion of what's acceptable.
You seem not to mind a high level of conflictuality and he is the opposite.
Actually , it is not true that all couples fight, or at least not as often and inevitably as you seem to think.
Personallly, I can see your bf's point. When you say you " only " had two fights in a month... well, that sounds quite a lot to me, it's a fight every 15 days- who'd want to keep even just a friendship if you can't get along more than two weeks in a row ?.
While it is true that even the best relationship can't possibly be forever immune from occasional arguments ..... I guess it depends from each one's definition of occasional. Apparently , twice in the same month does not sound " occasional " enough to yr bf ( neither to me, for what is worth ).
Also, it depends from the definition of "fight " . What do you call exactly a fight ?.... Some petty bickering about the usual stuff, you know " hey, it was your turn to take the trash out. Was not. Was too "... or a full blown argument with shouting matches, emotions running rampant, and slammed doors ? If you refer to the first kind of argument, well, probbaly he needs to lighten up and grow a thicker skin and not take everything so seriously.If it's more like the second,... I see I can see his point, maybe you are the kind of person who's not fazed by big outbursts and in fact thrives on them ,as a steam valve for their passionate nature.... but other people may find them really distasteful and energy draining, they may accept to go though that type of thing once, twice, three times ... but then comes a time where they refuse to have ANY part of that. Or, leave the partner for good.
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