A
female
age
41-50,
*essie07
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together a little over a month. A couple of weeks ago we tried having sex for the first time, we didnt succeed. He got hard but it went limp again. The next day we tried again, and the same thing happend. Finally the third attempt on a different day we succeeded. The problem is, is that he gets all into it and he gets hard but like two minutes later, hes going limp again. He's only 22 years old. He tells me thats its not me but i dont believe him. Seriously, like he will get hard, and then goes limp. Whats the problem? He tells me that he doesnt know what the problem is because this has never happend to him before. When he tells me that, then i automatically assume its me. Please can someone tell me what the problem is, again, he has no problem erecting, just keepin it up.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 I'm pretty sure that your boyfriend is telling you the truth. It's not you, but him. Don't assume something is the matter with you.
I'm pretty sure this is performance anxiety. To me, he is so afraid he won't perform well for you that he doesn't. Over time, that should resolve by itself.
Another possible cause is his having abused masturbation. The sensation a vagina gives is different and more diffuse than the firm grip of a hand; and (often) there's no lubrication. The different sensation might affect him.
It's important that he is convinced that this is not a problem he can't solve. A way to become convinced of this is to try masturbation. If he can perform well, then he will become convinced the problem is either one of the two I have mentioned, and he will be more confident to leave them behind.
Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): be patient, your guys is probably feeling pretty miserable about it all, i know i do. i have the same trouble, it's seems to be based around a fear of not being able to preform, and after its happened once, a fear of it happening again. When your guys says that its not you, believe him, he means it, he wouldn't be with you unless there was also some kind of physical attraction would he. my advice would be as encouraging as possible, make it as "fresh" and as "new" as possible, and if need be make it out to have been one of the best times ever even if it was awful, this will help him feel better about it and to get it back.
note: if after all that he still suffers from this problem and its gets worse then i would advise you get him to go to a doctor as there could be any number of underlying medical reasons so it may be worth getting checked just to be sure.
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A
female
reader, Heartly +, writes (5 December 2007):
 this happened to me me and my boyfriend at that age . we both freaked out over it , he thought something was wrong with him and i thought it was me . it didnt take long and everything got back to norm. just dont try so hard and make it a big deal , be reassuring to him and maybe lay off for a week and then suprise him with something diferent ,something yall have never tried befor ( a sex nightly , a new place , whatever fantacy you my know he has ) Have Fun with it !
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