A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here's a long story, but it has no ending yet...i'm trying to figure it out.A month ago I met a guy, I had seen him before, and I always thought he was really cute, but he never paid attention to me. That night, he approached my friend and let her know that he thought i was absolutely gorgeous and that he had to meet me. We hung out all night, ended up in his room just making out. He walked me home, was a gentleman, kissed me goodnight and texted me after he left. The next day he friended me on facebook and asked me out to dinner. Problem is he disappeared afterwards. I didn't hear from him again, even though i thought we were still meeting. The day after he stood me up, I sent him a message saying that he could've just canceled. He e-mailed me saying he was really sorry, that he completely forgot and that he had a horrible week and lost his cellphone, but that he hated lame excuses and that he wanted to make it up to me. He asked me to dinner that day and i said i couldn't do it. I didnt hear from him til 2 weeks later he sends me a text at 1:30 am saying that he wanted to hang out and that he was thinking about me. I was really cold towards him, and told him that if he wanted to get dinner he would have to wait till after spring break. He said he was fine with that. As destiny might have it, we were both stuck on campus the friday before spring break and we ended up meeting at a small party. He knew there was a chance i would go to the party so he called and texted my friend to make sure we were coming. Once we showed up he gave me a hug, but i was a bit unresponsive. Then he focused all his attention on my friend and didnt address me at all. He couldn't even look at me. This got annoying so I left the room and when I did he talked to my friend about how much he liked me and that he wanted to hang out, but he was afraid i would reject him. So my friend talked to me and told me that she thought i should have fun and go hang out with him. So we did. He apologized for about 2 hrs, told me that he was sorry he disappeared and that he had heard i was tough so he was lucky i had given him a second chance. I thought he was opening up and I even asked him to cut the charm and get real. Then we went back to his room, i wouldn't make out with him because he was growing a horrible beard, so he agreed to shave it off. The whole time he kept saying how into me he was and how he would do anything for a second chance. Again, he walked me and my friend home and acted like a gentleman, except a little more relaxed this time, which was fine.Then when I got home the next day I saw him online and we talked, after a while he asked me if i wanted to hang out over break since we live fairly close and I asked him if he had an idea of what he wanted to do, he said anything would be fine. Thats when I rushed and said i was super sleepy and that we could resume our plans later. I noticed this was a fairly cold ending so i told him that i still didn't have his number (because i deleted it twice) so he texted me his number. By monday I hadn't heard from him and I knew that he was going out of town some time this week, so I sent him a message saying that if he still wanted to do something he should let me know. I waited a day and got no reply, so i texted him "i'm mad at you", to which he kind of charmed his way out of and he made me repeat what the message on facebook said, when i told him he said "id love to hang out, when?" and i said, that i wasn't asking him to hang out, i was just repeating what i had said, no need to be charming. Then he said well "wanna hang out" and i responded "when?"...20 minutes later he responded "soon" and I was so annoyed with the response I didn't answer anything back. Do i have the right to be mad at this? Does he deserve yet another chance? Is he playing me? I don't know, it's hard to not believe what he tells me seeing how much effort he puts into being with me every time he sees me, but when we don't see each other i can't read him. whats the deal? can anyone enlighten me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, u guys are right. This became really childish and immature. So I decided to talk to him and ask him what was going on and to not involve anyone else in the decision. He told me he thought I was mad at him, and that he didn't know what to think of me. That sometimes he thinks i like him, other times thinks i hate him and sometimes that I think he is weird. So he felt a lot of pressure when he was with me. I told him that i did like him, and that i wasn't mad at him and that we should just relax and take it easy. He asked me out to dinner on Sunday and I said okay. We'll see how it goes. I am not sure I will ever be in a relationship with this guy, but i'm gonna give him a real shot, not one involving 1/2 our circle of friends.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I think you have both made a bit of a mess of this - standing you up was a terrible thing to do and he could have got a message to you before hand (did he lose his computer too?!). If I were you, I would have walked away from it all right there, there would be no second chance no matter what the reason.
But then you gave him a second chance, but you are being pretty cold with him and he probably has no idea if you are even interested or not. I'm not sure how old you are buy from your age range I'm guessing you are more like 18 than 21, as this all sounds very childish and immature.
The way he is going through your friend to find out if you like him, the way you keep deleting his number then asking for it again, it all sounds like a teen drama. I think you should just be straight with him - tell him you like him but you are sick of going round in circles. Tell him when you are free over the next week or so (give him a couple of options) and tell him you would like to meet up on one of those days. The ball is then in his court - if he arranges something then you know he is interested. if he says "I'll think about it or I'll get back to you" then he is just keeping you waiting hence you can be sure he is playing games.
If he doesnt arrange something with you then just forget about him, he is wasting your time and you need to move on. If he likes you as much as he says he does then he will make the effort to see you.
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Why were you mad with his response of "soon"?You wouldn't make out with him because of his beard, you expect this guy that you are attracted to - but have no hold over, are not going out with - to shave his beard before you will kiss him?Honestly as I was reading your post I was initially impressed that you weren't easily swayed by his charm, but then as your story progresses I couldn't help but think you should either cut the guy a break if you want to pursue things or just let the situation go if you're not going to forgive him.Standing you up was a crappy thing to do, but if you're going to give him a second chance, actually give him one rather than playing games in turn and turning on the hot and cold action.
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