A
female
age
36-40,
*urtleville41
writes:Hello Everyone,I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible so please bear with me. I am a 27 year old woman who is a self confessed emotionally unavailable wreck. I am incredibly independent, I need my space from the men I date, and don't do the whole girly girl thing when it comes to love. I don't do PDA, I hate kissing for no reason, and won't hold a hand or even tell someone I am liking or loving them. (Having said that, I absolutely love sex and want it all the time.)Anyways, 4 months ago I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. He for all intents and purposes, was a woman's dream man. Tall, incredibly handsome, wealthy, great in bed, and old school chivalrous. We clicked immediately and I found myself saying words I had never said before. I love you.He was happy to give me space, and wasn't needy and felt similar to PDA and all that stuff. The guy was perfect. We spent the holidays with each others' families (a first for me) and we were getting very serious.Cut to last week when my work made a huge announcement and I was promoted. I worked about 9-10 hours a day before, but now I'm working half a day if not more. I started taking my frustrations out on my boyfriend and that meant I was withholding sex, being over dramatic, and frankly being mean to him for no reason. He brought it up and I told him I didn't want to continue the relationship and keep hurting him. He was devastated. So here I sit missing him, but still want to focus on work . I don't have time for him and think it would be selfish to pretend I do. But I still want him to hold me tonight and say I love you. But I refuse to give in. Am I crazy?
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female
reader, Turtleville41 +, writes (14 January 2013):
Turtleville41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I don't think is a matter of "time ", of how many hours exactly you can give him. Particularly, coming from a country and culture that has deep respect for overachievers, ambition, and success in the job field. Otherwise no doctor, lawyer, multinational executive etc. etc. could ever have a successful relationship while , in fact, many people somehow manage to handle relationships even on 80 hours a week schedules.
The problem is, that , apparently, you don't handle stress and pressure that well. Basically, more responsibility made you totally freak out: mean for no reason, over dramatic, witholding sex .... Now, while it is very understandable WHY this happened, and it's also understandable that you need time to adjust to the transition , and develop better coping mechanisms, .. understandable is not the same as acceptable , for a partner. What explains seldom also justifies- I don't think even Bill Gates or Richard Branson etc. could be justified for turning into the partner from hell.
I've got the feeling that your also independent ex could handle well not seeing much of you- as long as what he sees of you is pleasant and not bat-crazy.
I guess you could tell him that you realize how certain things happened and why, and ask him for a re-match, assuring him that you are working on your time management and stress handling skills ( and doing it too :). You would have to " give in ", i.e. admit that you are human , and you make mistakes. I think there's a good chance he would understand.
Then again, if he got scared by your , let's call it, insufficient " grace under pressure ", eh well, we can't blame him. Everybody has the right to decide what level of emotional high maintenance they can tolerate in their partner.
But, it's worth a try...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Not crazy, but you've made your priorities known. If you won't compromise then he has to.
But there MUST to be a light at the end of the tunnel; otherwise what's the point of anything if you work so much that you can't have a healthy relationship with the perfect guy and otherwise enjoy your life?
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