A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunts!This guy and I have been friends our whole lives. I had the biggest crush on him in jr high, but I was young and immature and never told him. Then he dated one of my close friends in high school. I got over him and we drifted apart in the 2 yrs they dated. After they broke up we rekindled our friendship, and he developed feelings for me and asked me to grad. I declined, since his ex-gf was now my best friend. Fast forward to university - we went to different schools but maintained contact. He had another 2 yr relationship that recently ended, and he always confided in me when they had problems. So now, he's been invited to a wedding and he asked me to go as his "plus one". My question seems kinda silly. I know the answer is just to talk to him, and I will, but I want to get some opinions beforehand. I'm hesitant to go with him because I'm not interested in him romantically. But I can't tell if he's always been interested in the possibility of a relationship with me, or I'm overthinking it and he's just asking me as good company. Would accepting his invite be a bad idea?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): I think you might be overthinking it just a bit...for good reasons though; you don't want to give him the wrong impression by accepting the invitation.
Some people don't like going to weddings solo. I know I don't. It can make you feel a bit like a social failure if you show up alone...I know that's not a healthy way to think about it, but weddings tend to be dog and pony shows for a lot of families. I think showing up alone (espeically after breaking up) is a common worry...which is why men (and women) scrounge for dates for these events.
He probably wants your good company and he wants arm candy. He thinks you're good enough to show off to a circle of friends or family. Perhaps choose to take it as a compliment rather than a scheme on his part?
If you enjoy spending time with him casually, why not go? If he makes a pass or introduces you as his girlfriend, you might need to give him a reality check, but I don't see the harm in accepting this invitation.
But, if you haven't spent time with him in years and most of your communication has been on the phone or on facebook, then I think you need to talk to him face to face before you accept the invitation to suss out his feelings and intentions.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 I don't think going would be a bad idea. He likely does still harbor some feelings toward you though, and you may have to dance with each other at some point. :-)
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