A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A guy that I know is interested in me (we've kissed) asked me to hang out (alone for the first time, also this is the beginning of our "friendship"), but he never paid for me even though he treated it as a date (kissed me again)...is that normal? I have to admit I am pretty turned off by it...my friends think that he should have Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 If you are THAT bothered by the fact you had to pay for yourself, accept the fact that you arnt meant to be and leave it as that.
However if you want to decide to be a bit more mature about the situation and see him again because you like him, suck it up and remember to get some cash out. There are more important things in life than who is going to fetch the bill.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): A man who doesn't pay for a date shows that he is stingy and that he will not be a good provider. It also could show that he does not consider you as a possible mate. It is built into our biology as women to go for non stingy men. If that is what you want, a stingy man, then go for it, but obviously you're not happy with him not paying.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 @ female anon, do you happen to be the OP?
For the OP, did he make you pay for it all or did you each pay separately? Did he specify this was a date? If he didn't have much $ to take you out, then he should have waited to ask you out until he had a little more saved up. Or take you out on a inexpensive date.
As far as the first date goes, if he asked and specified this was a date then I believe he should have to foot the bill. He asked and it is a gentlemanly gesture. But we do live in a society of where the female is very independent, so it is also polite of you to offer to leave a tip at dinner, buy the refreshments at a movie, a round of drinks, etc. Guys love to see the woman at least offering to chip in, that way we don't look like high maintenance, or expect the guy to fork over $ for everything. Most of the time, they wave their hand for you to put your purse away.
The first date, I would expect him to be picking up the bill. Second on up, then it's only fair that you contribute a small amount.
Lastly, if you're turned off by him and the date sucked because he didn't pay then that should be your first and last date with this guy.
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male
reader, geordie29 +, writes (15 January 2011):
thanks dmartin89 for that response i totally agree with you.
what decade are we living in?
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (15 January 2011):
I think it is absolutely ridiculous in this world as we know it now, for women to demand equality then EXPECT a man to pay for everything, doesn't that just make those women hypocrites?
All the first dates I have been on, the man has paid for the meal (if we went for a meal) but I would offer to pay for the movie or bowling or extra drinks at a bar/cafe after.
The fact that he didn't want to or couldn't pay for everything doesn't make him a bad person or cheap or ungentlemanly, he is treating you as an equal.
Also what did you do for the "date"? Most lunch dates I have been on, we do dutch because I wouldn't technically call it a "date", its not something I would deliberately dress up for or expect any kind of romance for.
Dinners are a bit more formal, you dress up, wear make-up, do your hair nice and a table is booked, so it is obviously pre-planned.
You said he asked you to "hang out" with him, although it may have sounded exactly like a date to you, he may have thought it was just something casual. Remember than men don't think the same as women and they will generally try to keep it as casual as possible so they don't waste money on a girl they end up not liking; sounds sad but i have heard it from many male friends.
Also, are you assuming that a meeting becomes a date because kissing is involved? I have been on several dinner dates when I didn't kiss anyone, it didn't stop it being a date though!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): I believe a guy after asking you out, he should pay ATLEAST for the first date , it just makes the man feels in control :D lol , but the bad side is GIRLS GET USED TO THAT!!! so he thought maybe like you would get used to it :P
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male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Sorry - are you unemployed? Are you struggling to make ends meet? Do your outgoings exceed your income?
21st century babe - deal with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): His triphling ass invited me out to a ritzy ass restaurant and when it came time to pay the 268.60 bill his rotten ass excused himself to go to the little boys room and never returned! The icing-I had to dig even further into my purse for 73.75 to pay the damned cabbie! Do I sound a happy camper?! Online bs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): At least thats better than being taken to McDonalds for the first date and being asked..."so what coke do you want...? small, medium or large??" I dated the cheapest guy in the history of all guys but yes...i do believe, the guy should pay. You could have offered and then split it or whatever, but I still think the guy should offer first
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Didn't pay for the DATE or didn't pay for your portion? Because it's a difference between them, you know? If he paid for his food or drink and let you pay for yours, it's fair enough. You're not married yet, so you can benefit by his money or put some money aside both of you so you can spend it together. I've been with my bf for a year and half now and we're still pay individually when we go to have lunch. Once or twice he wanted to pay for my share, but I said "no, because I'll get used to it and you're not gonna like it". He said "ok" and.. here we are. He's got a job, I got a job, so we can afford to pay separately. I don't earn as much as he earns, but I can handle it. He's not cheap, he's just been educated to value what he's got (financially and materially speaking). So I'd say you have nothing to worry about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Yeah he should have paid. That's just common courtesy, especially if he invited you. Ugh where are his manners? I wouldn't judge him based solely on that... wait and see what else he can offer, if anything. This is definitely a flag tho. Good luck.
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Like someone else has said, at least you didn't pay for his too. I recall being asked out on a date once, and I ended up paying for the whole of the meal! However, I always feel better, especially on a first date, going halves.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Dump him. He is not a gentleman and a miser.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): A man should pay for a date. Don't go out with him again.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (15 January 2011):
I am not sure I like a man to always pay; I think going halves is reasonable. I would never go out with the expectation that someone is going to pay for my food/drink, and always expect to pay for my share. If he offered to pay for me then I might graciously accept. However, to EXPECT someone else to pay from the outset is another matter. I think it's a bit old fashioned. But, that's just my opinion. If you want him to pay and he didn't then find someone else I guess.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): At least he didn't have you pay for his portion also or did he? I about fell off the stool when a man did that to me, and I paid the tip.
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female
reader, relentlessheart +, writes (15 January 2011):
Times are tough, and chivalry seems to be dead. He should have at least offered to pay. Looks like he's just looking for a friend with benefits, or he's just not that into you. :(
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (15 January 2011):
I do not feel a man should ask you on a date and not pay. If you do not like that either then do not date him. Men that are comfortable with that weird me out. I just feel men and women have certain roles and that is a mans role. Sometimes you can pay but I feel like that should be your choice.
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