A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i are dating long distance. Things would be going great between us until he starts thinking about my past. i have had one boyfriend prior to him and one hook up. He says he can't even be intimate with me because everytime we do, he has images of me and my ex-boyfriend in his mind. He has said to me that i had given everything to my ex-boyfriend. He continues to ask me questions about my ex and because we agreed to be completely honest with each other i have answered his questions truthfully. Now those answers have come to bite me in the ass. How can i help him get over my past? What can i do?
View related questions:
long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 There's a few things you can do:
- Don't tell him any more. No matter how much he pesters you
- Don't co-operate when he starts to discuss this stuff. Make it clear its not ok and it's doing neither of you any good
- Be clear and firm (but nice) with him: this is his hangup and he needs to cope with it. Making it 'your fault' in any way or expecting you to do anything different because of this is not OK. He has to find a way to put this out of his mind
- It's not easy having a long distance relationship, it's easy to imagine the other person having fun without you. Strengthening your bonds with lots of contact will help set his fears at rest: so send lots of text messages, emails, photos, msn etc
A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (13 February 2009):
 I don't think you can. I think he has to do it. All you can do is persevere. I have to tell you it doesn't sound very appealing to me--waiting around until he gets over the fact that you've had sex in the past.
I think it's a mark of immaturity in him that he thinks you've given everything away before meeting him. That's not a very humane way of thinking about sexuality. It smacks of possessiveness and ownership.
...............................
|
