| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been married for less than two years, its been a rocky road to be honest, i had my doubts prior to marriage, but just put it down to nerves.My husband is the quite sort and does not like to socialise that often, i love to meet people and socialise. The thing that i am worried about is sometimes i feel that i dont want to be with my husband that i wonder is he really the person i want to have my children and have i made a mistake marrying him in the first place.Our sex life is non existent, there is no passion, do you think this could be the problem? and i dont feel i want to have sex with him at all...is the problem with me? am i being unfair thinking like this?We are both from different countries in europe, so the culture difference is not that different.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 What you desribe is quite serious - I can't say that you made a mistake marrying this man, but I can say that you will be making a mistake if you don;t take steps to address the issues you have outlined above.
It sounds like there are multiple layers to your concerns - and each of the things you describe is quite major... and yes, the sex/lack of passion/your lack of interest IS a big problem.
Does your hubby know you are feeling like this? What is your relationship like? Do you talk? Do you spend any time together? Do anything enjoyable together?
I strongly recommend that you have an open, honest discussion about your fears and concerns with your husband...you must have had strong feelings/love for him in the past at least to marry the man...he deserves your honesty now, it is HIS life that is being affected too.
I also think that you need to seek professional counselling - for yourself, to really explore what is going on for you in this relationship - why you are shutting down in your marriage? etc. Maybe couples therapy would be helpful for you both...IF you are actually keen to work on the marriage...it may help you both figure out if you do want to stay together and work on things or if seperating is in fact the best idea.
This is a sad situation for you both - but you need to act now - things won;t suddenly get better if you just do nothing, in fact they'll probably deteriorate!
Good luck.
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