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Have I had my chance already? I still love my late husband. Or should I search for a husband so my child will have a father figure in her life?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 November 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 November 2011)
A female Australia age 41-50, *exy babe1980 writes:

I just start dating again after 3 years after my husband's death.

He was always be in my heart but i think my daughter keep asking my for a daddy i try to explain to her that daddy will always be with us, and he's watching over us.

I just need your help with this question. i loved my husband and always will, but could i ever be able to fall in love again with someone else?

Or is it that I had mine? Is it going to be just my daughter and I? I'm happy the way things are.

It's just the two of us, but I dont want her to miss out on the chance to grow up having a father figure around.

any help would be great

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2011):

Miamine agony auntYes babes, I know your scared.. that's why it's time, to let go.. that's what he would want. You won't ever forget him, trust me. It's alright to be happy now, he won't ever go away, he'll always stay deep in your heart to keep you warm.

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A female reader, Sexy babe1980 Australia +, writes (20 November 2011):

Sexy babe1980 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I so u scaed if i start dating i will forget about my late husband and never 2 forget about him.

And if ever did met someone else im worry that they might not like have my late husband photos up

talk to daughter leting her how much her dad love us i just dont want her to forget her dad and i never want to replace in my heart if i found someone do i have to forget about my late husband

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (19 November 2011):

Miamine agony auntYes.. 3years... I want you to start dating again. It's healthy and it's what your husband would want. You may fall in love, you may not, but it's not fair to him, or to your daughter if you try to climb into the grave with him. Sorry babes, go out and date, you don't have to look for love or a husband, but just to put on a pretty dress and have someone say how lovely you are will be good for you.

If another great guy is out there, you'll find him, if not, then your daughter will be able to see that people can be sad, but still get on with life, and death isn't the end of all happiness in life.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou can't find a mate to please your child...

where is your dad? where is her father's dad? does she have uncles? those would be great male role models and figures for her...

as for YOU.... I am deeply sorry for the loss of your husband especially when so young... how tragic to lose your love...

My mom and dad loved each other deeply and she died in his arms and he cried like a baby... that was 16 years ago and he still loves and misses her but he has a companion I consider my stepmother in every way but legally (they did not marry for various financial reasons) and he has been with her since about 4 months after my mother died... he does not love my mother less (in fact, sadly for her the last time I was with them in an argument they had, he actually slipped and referred to her as my mother's nick name... SIXTEEN YEARS later and he still does this... WOW

he does not disrespect my mother or her memory by having a life and loving another... in fact my mother ON HER DEATH bed (I was there) BEGGED him to remarry and love again.....

do not date just for your daughter... you can find male role models for her in her relatives.. but do not limit yourself to a life alone thinking you are not entitled to love again...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011):

In a marriage vow, which I believe, you took says in one part 'till death do us part'. It means that when you said 'I do' you accept that your spouce has the right to fall in love again & marry someone else should you die. He swore that oath to release you from marriage at the event of this death. So legally speaking you are now a single woman with a daughter. A wife is a legal title. A widow is not. Widow is a term used to describe a woman in mourning of her late husband. How long you remain a widow is how long you continue to grieve for your husband. Realisticly, you can't grieve for someone you love forever can you? There will come a time when you will have to let them go back into the past & move on because loss is part of life. It's good & right that you want your daughter to have a father. But remember that you cannot give a father to her if you still remain a widow (still mourning for your late husband). You are not betraying your late husband by marrying again. You are free now to find whoever you want to spend the rest of your life with again. Your daughter deserves a father & you cannot go on grieveing for someone whos' passed on. Learn to find love again. As a man I wouldn't want my wife to waste away her life grieving for me when I'm dead & gone. I want her to find happiness & joy in the arms of another man who is willing to give her the same kind of love, joy & happiness I use to give her when I was her husband.

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