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male
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*pg25
writes: I am in a relationship for about 4 months now with a girl that got out of a 4 year relationship about 9 months before we started dating. I'm 22 and she is 20. She says she is over her ex but still talks to him and about him all the time on the phone. She also wants to go party with him without me. I ask her if she is over him and she says yes, but I'm not sure. She still is jealous over the fact that he has a new girlfriend and everything. I want her to know how it feels to have this done to you always talk to an ex and not really wanting to move forward in a relationship, but I haven't cause I am afraid she'll talk to him more. I have confronted her but I've also heard that actions speak louder than words so by calling my exs in front of her might get her attention better. What do you think?
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (4 February 2006):
don't call your ex just to make her jealous. i still text my ex from time to time. i think my bf might be a bit jealous as he is a little insecure but i don't see anything wrong with being friends with someone. i'd never say i wouldn't be friends with someone just because i used to go out with them. if i did that, i'd only have 2 or 3 friends! but if she's jealous about her ex being with someone else then you have a problem as it suggests that she still has unwelcome feelings for him. talk to her. make sure she is with you because she wants you and not because she is trying to replace her ex
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (3 February 2006):
 I think that by calling your ex's in front of her, you will be submitting to a very immature game of who can make the other one more jealous. She is less than a year out of a very long relationship and it sounds as though she is having problems adjusting to life without her ex. The fact that 9 months later she is still wanting to go party with him just doesn't look good for the two of you, in my opinion. I honestly feel like you may be caught in a relationship that will probably end in heart ache for you. I would say try having a really serious conversation about where she sees your relationship going. Ask her if she could refrain from talking to her ex for a while so that you two will have a chance to move forward. If she seems reluctant to stop the communication with him, then she probably still has unresolved feelings for him and you will have to decide if you are willing to wait and see if she will get over him completely or if it is time to cut your losses and find someone that is ready to be fully committed to you. Unfortunately after a long relationship it can often take much longer than 9 months for your heart to fully heal and move on, so if she is still having difficulties it is not really her fault, she may have just tried to move on too quickly, it is just a shame that you could be caught in the middle of it. I really hope you and your girlfriend can work this out, and that I am wrong about where her heart is. Good luck.
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