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female
,
anonymous
writes: I was with a guy for about 2 years but it was on/off all the time, as he liked to play the field. It was my first love so I really fell for him deep. Now a year later he is back. I just wonder will I ever trust him? Now he says he has changed and I'm scared. I regret not giving him about the eighth chance....
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (13 August 2006):
 I have had a boyfriend like that and he did not change. I remained the one he wished he had not lost for years and I think I was loved. Even though that was the case he could not contain his need to for excitement and the thrill of the chase.
Once he got past that he needed to move on to the next challenge, which was not me! Some people are addicted to that part of the relationship and need to thrill of being adored and to feel the power rush of proving to themselves that they can do almost anything and are still irrestistable.
Even when it was long over mine ex boyfriend used to call me, maybe I was the one that did get away, but it was hard and painful and coloured my trust for years to come. If you are not careful you will slowly lose your confidence in the knowledge that there are some really good men out there. You too may become addicted to trying to change him because you want that validation; to really feel that you are important enough for him to change. Don't look for your victories in life with men, look for your own self esteem and self value, elsewhere.
If you really want to, you can try again and I hope it works for you. I would not give in easily and let him know that you will not comit to anything other than friendship, basically I mean no sex, until you are completely sure that he is genuine. I suspect that it will not work but don't waste too much time on it and if you tell him it is a last chance make sure you mean it.
A
female
reader, *MiniBear* +, writes (13 August 2006):
Oh honey. I know exactly what you're talking about. One of my sisters had the exact same problem. Listen you need to let him know how worried you are that he'll mess up again. Don't make it seem that you'll take him back whatever he does because a relationship without respect isn't one at all. If he really changed then get back together with him but make it really clear that if he hurts you again he has GOTTA take a walk off a cliff.
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