A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has he really changed?I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago as I felt he was moving too fast with the relationship. He stayed persistently trying to get back together and said he has learnt so much about himself. Says he understands all my previous concerns, will now listen to me more, respect me more etc, give me space. Well, last weekend we spent the day together, and it was really nice. I told him I don't want to jump back into something again, and he said, no it's a totally new relationship now. We've both learnt things etc.Well I saw him again yesterday, and we were having a nice time, and I told him about a holiday I have booked in December. It is for 3 weeks to see a female friend I've not seen in years. He said, 'are you going on your own' and I said yes, and he said, oh didn't you want to go with me? I said, well, I thought we were taking things slowly. Later on, he brought it up again, by way of a little dig, saying he was going to book a holiday away without me and not tell me about it (he's not, he was 'joking')Then we talked about it some more, and he said he wishes I'd been open about it, and said I was planning to go etc. I said, I haven't spoken to you since last week, before that we weren't even speaking at ALL, so why would I start ringing you up to discuss my holiday plans. I'm not hiding anything, I've come straight out and told you.I thought we were taking it slow. He said, it's fine to take it slow, but you're either together or you're not together. You can't be sort of together.It's really taken the shine off things and made me wonder if he's changed at all...Also it is during Christmas and my birthday so I can see why he is hurt.
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I disagree, he hasn't changed in the slightest. This is who he is. You broke up because he didnt give you enough space and it was moving too fast. He said he changed and within a few days of coming back he wants to go on vacation with you, doesnt want you to leave without him, and he wants a commitment (not to go slow as you mentioned). What has "changed" is that he wasn't immediately telling you he didn't like the idea of you going without him. Instead it was a little dig here, a joke there... Then finally admitting it. He then complains that you weren't open about it. Yet you made the plans when the 2 of you weren't speaking, what in the world is he talking about...? He hasn't changed. He is still very clingy. He isn't okay with taking it slow, hence the reason he is pushing you by saying "we are either together or we aren't". He isn't taking anything slowly in the slightest because he can't help it. I think he truly wants to change but can't. It's up to you if you can handle such a clingy guy cause I promise you he won't change, it's who he is and no amount of trying to keep it to himself will change it.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 I think he has tried to make a huge effort here with you and tried to change. However it is obvious he wants to be with you and I know you are wanting to take things slow which is okay but I guess it just caught him by surprise that you where heading away for three weeks. I guess he would like it if you both went away and that he just wants to know you are committed to him.
I guess you need to put his mind at ease, he is right in a sense you either are together or you are not, you need to think about what you really want, do you want a relationship with him or not? You need to decide. If you do, then you need to reassure him that you do want to be with him and you are enjoying taking things slow and want to continue to do that. Explain to him that you are going to visit a friend and have a break away, apologise from being apart from him for your birthday and Christmas but make arrangements where you can both do something fun and exciting together once you come back.
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