A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my bf for 6 yrs and i am feeling fed up with our relationship and im not sure what to do. to start with he was the man of my dreams we had fun together i felt i could trust him completely and we could talk to each other about anything i felt extremely close to him. but that has slowly changed. my feelings started to change towards him when i found he had been watching porn. Im not inexperienced and i am very adventurous more so than my bf. but the porn thing goes a little deeper i was abused as a child and to cut a long story short porn has been a problem for me since then. i told my bf at the time how it upset me but a few months later i found he had been emailing porn stars. it completely broke me, as he knew how i felt about it and to me it felt like he didn't care about my feelings. well i stayed with him and after two yrs i found i managed to move passed it.we had a little girl last yr and thats when i found out that he hadn't stopped the emails. he had organised some local models to make dvd's for him in fact he was in the process of havng his 3rd one done when i found out. he sent these models clothes he wanted them to wear and in total must have spent £2000 sending them clothes and having the dvd's made over the two yrs. the things i read about what he wanted them to do disgusted me. i felt like i didn't know him at all. that feeling hasn't changed and now i feel even more distant from him than ever.i no longer know how i can put this behind me and i have trouble trusting him as he has lied to me 3 times over this. my feelings for him have changed and i can't even say that i love him the same anymore even at all. i just feel trapped in this relationship with him because of our daughter and the life we have together. does anyone out there have any advice? has anyone had similar lack of feelings towards their husband/ bf and what did you do? does it get better?thanks for listening
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Get out and get out now. Your husband has serious problems. You're never going to change him - only he can do the changing part and it doesn't seem like he even realizes that his behavior is wrong. You owe it to yourself and your child to have a better life with someone who respects and loves you, which this man clearly does neither.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): The one thing that struck me when I read this was the fact that he spent all that money when he should have invested it in you and your child. This is selfish, addictive behaviour similar to gambling and I suggest your boyfriend has massive problems to overcome. The trouble with the porn addiction is that it is selfish on two counts - financial and emotional and I think he has now gone too far. My gut feeling is to move on for your own sake - you will find it very difficult to move on within the confines of this abusive relationship. It will be much easier to do so without him and potentially with a man who nurtures you and loves you for all that you are.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 August 2007):
 You're right, your partner doesn't care for your feelings, in fact he's very selfish and has no respect for you or what happened to you in your past. This isn't just watching porn, this is an addiction he has and it won't be easy for him to stop just like that. If he really does love you then he will take the necessary steps to get counselling for his addiction. He's also spending a small fortune here and I don't blame you one bit for being upset. This will knock your confidence and self esteem and also bring back a lot of painful memories from your past, if he can't see this or won't do anything about it then I suggest you finish with him and move on.
Fortunately you're not married so that's half the battle. Don't let the fact you have a child to him stop you from moving on. You've been together for 6 years, that's not a lifetime and you're still young and have most of your life ahead of you here. Sit down and have a very serious talk with him about this. Explain to him how strongly you feel about this and what it's doing to you inside and tell him if it doesn't stop then you'll have no alternative but to end the relationship and move on.
Only THEN will you see his true feelings, whether you and your daughter come first or the porn!
Eve
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A
male
reader, FlavorDude  +, writes (14 August 2007):
I would suggest that you speak to your boyfriend and have a heart to heart. Have therapy if you have to but it sounds like he has crossed the line of no return.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): If he has been doing all of this, I don't see why you would want it to get any better. This man is sick & worse, you never expected him to do anything like this at all. If he is getting women to preform pornographic acts on tape, I assume he is also having sex with them. Maybe even men too. Maybe he is a sexaholic. I would be worried about the future of your daughter being around a man that would do these types of pornographic things & take them to such extremes. All I can say is that you have the evidence of what you need to take him to court & get a nice chunk of the assets you two share and also get child support from him. Any judge would be appaled by this type of behavior & rule in favor of you. Get whatever proof you need & take him to court for a divorce. I doubt a judge would even grant him unsupervised custody of your child if he is that perverted.
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