A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend has been honeytrapped by a girl he had a fling with before he met me. He told her he didnt want the baby but she went ahead anyway. She knows nothing about me despite his continued feelings for me and the fact we were together the whole time she was pregnant. He loves me but we split up because of this. He is now living with her and the new baby because he feels like he needs to do the right thing by his son. He is very unhappy but loves his son to pieces and as well as getting to see him he is living there pretty much rent free. They are now engaged to be married and I just dont understand why he is getting in deeper to this rather than having the courage to be honest with her.I dont want him back so this isnt about jealousy (although obviously im hurting). Id just like to know if anyone else has been in his situation so I can try to understand what is going on in his head. Can this work out for them even tho he has no feelings for her? He's a very mixed up person with some history of depression but is what he is doing deceitful or honourable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): i am sorry to be blunt but this man took you for a fool. he went back to his gf and his baby. he was actually cheating on her with you meaning you become the OW unintentionally. the only one lying here is this man. please do not be a sucker. his actions speak louder than his words. he is back where he wants to be, with his baby and his gf. just be lucky that you are rid of him and please you deserve so much better. it may seem better to look at his gf as though she is the bad one here but she is not. both you and his gf are victims. he used you for sex while she was pregnant and now he is back where he belongs. please see your situation realistically.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Just make sure he's not telling her one story and telling you a different one.
He could just be really concerned about what's best for the baby, or he could be using the baby situation as a way to keep screwing both of you on the downlow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): But is it an "inevitable divorce"? Ive been brought up to believe that you should only marry for love and I really dont understand how anything else can work out - even in the short term. Is having a child together enough? How does he think this is going to work? I know a lot of marriages these days are loveless for many reasons but how do people do it?I know this is none of my concern now either way but it really bothers me.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (9 August 2009):
 Yes, I have been in a very similar situtation. Six months into our relationship, (several years ago), my partners ex suddenly re-appeared with a prominent baby bump. They had broken up more than a year before, but she had become pregnant during one weekend when she had turned up at his place and they'd slept together. She made it very clear that she expected him to play a role in the childs life, and it was blindingly obvious that the whole point of her getting pregnant was to trap him. He and I were in a de facto relationship, yet he didn't tell her that as he didn't want to upset her. Personally I thought she was an incredibly selfish person who deserved to be given a good kick with the jackboot of reality. A year after the child was born I came across a 'love letter' she had written to him begging him to be with her and the baby, (he and I were engaged by then). I realised that he had been visiting her and the child without telling me, and I was very hurt and very angry. I ended our engagement, and I also rang her and told her that I existed. She was devastated, he was furious at me, I was sickened by the whole scenario and sorry for the kid having two selfish conniving jerks for parents. She ended up a single mother, he's still lurking about lying to any woman who gives him the time of day, and I'm living a great life.Don't be fooled by your ex's words. No man marries a woman he doesn't want to be with unless he's weak and stupid. You can be a parent without getting married these days, and you don't even have to have too much involvement with the other parent. Let him get on with his life, (and the inevitable divorce), and find yourself someone who doesn't need help carrying their baggage. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): I know that you are hurting, who wouldn't be? But to be honest he is making the right choice for him. He feels he has a responsibility to live up to and he is doing it. I commend him there. whether or not his house is built on sticks or bricks remains to be seen. You as a person have to let it go. You really have no other choice since he has made his decision. The only thing left is for you to accept it.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): I think he is doing the honorable thing and making the deision that led to the pregnancy, right.
It isn't for anyone to judge if he is doing the wrong or right thing. The bottom line is he is doing what he wants to do, what he thinks is right and more than some men he is taking on his responsibilities head on, and that is honorable.
Whether or not this marriage will work remains to be seen, it has about a 50/50 shot, same as most marriages whether they are honey traps or not.
I am sorry that you are hurt and disappointed, but sometimes things work out for the best. Look at it this way, you have avoided getting involved with a man and his baby mama drama....now it is all his to deal with.
Take care.
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