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Guys: What goes on in a cheater's mind?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2009)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Does a married man fall in love with the other woman/have feelings for her or do they just go back with their wife and family as if nothing ever happened.

I know they have made their choice of going back with their wife but for whatever little comfort it is, I was just curious as to what goes on in a cheater's mind.

Answers from guys will be appreciated.

View related questions: married man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009):

one word i have to say ,married man hard to live ther wifes,we only getting hurt ,threy do make you angry.10 year iwas with thos married man,i try to let go,but he keeps cameing back,the only way to get rid of him ,may be police.but i dont want my family to know,so i had to take his abuse,i donrt know who i am any more,if he see me with some onbe ,he came make me embarecs helppppppppppppppppp i am desprate

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009):

not a man but have been told this:

a cheater will test the waters and see what he can get away with. he lies deliberately. to both his wife and mistress.

he is number one and he cares NOTHING of the people the hurts.

if he stays , it is because he wants to NOT because of the kids. that is the biggest bull. and sadly the mistresses fall for this one time and time again. the kids are used as an excuse. all the time.

does he care for his mistress. yes, in a way he does. he also manipulates her and he makes her feel special. both the married man and the mistress has no scruples therefore they are drawn to each other. they both lie and both connive and they both deliberately cause pain and destruction.

oh, and YES he still has sex with his wife. don't believe that he doesn't. the question i always ask when it is said that the MM doesn't do it with his wife. well, if he is not doing it with her then pray do tell - WHO IS.

i always say this as well - married women love to screw, they just do not want to be screwed over.

the same applies to both married men and women. same difference CHEATERS

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (9 September 2009):

Frank B Kermit agony auntIf a man is truly miserable at home, he will leave his wife regardless if another woman is in the picture or not.

If a man has not already left his wife, it is likely he does not plan to.

A person who cheats (man or woman) does not always do so because they are unhappy with their partners, nor they are in love with the other person. They often do it because they feel something is missing in their lives, and the affair is used to fill that void. They in fact could have fantastic relationships at home, but something is missing inside of them that a great relationship at home can not solve.

As for the cheater who is always the "other person", that usually stems from a deep rooted fear of intimacy, so they only go for partners that are not fully emotionally available. When a home partner sometimes does lose the home relationship, and becomes available to the other person full time, the other person always seems to tend to "lose attraction, and not know why" at those moments.

Yes, it is possible to have feelings for more than one person (not just for men, but women have this capacity too).

It is not a question of love, but of priority. A mistress will never have priority over the well being of a man's children, and that includes the care for the children's mother. This only applies to men that are emotionally healthy. Emotionally unhealthy men would sacrifice children for a mistress, but that repeating behavior pattern means that he would eventually sacrifice his mistress for someone down the road.

-Frank Kermit

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A male reader, baddogbj China +, writes (9 September 2009):

baddogbj agony auntPeople vary in this respect as they do in every other. It is however perfectly plausible / possible for a man to feel genuine care and even love for a mistress / lover and yet go home and have a loving and warm (and of course sexual) relationship with his wife.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009):

I would suppose different men react differently. Some might be cold about it and not involve their feelings.

I fell for the other woman -- serious infatuation, and felt like I was 16 again. It was an amazing high that I had never thought I'd feel again. We called it quits before things got out of hand -- never had sex, but it was cheating nevertheless.

I was consumed with guilt and self-loathing over having broken my vows. It was hardly as if nothing had happened.

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