A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My current bf and I have dated for 3 months. He was best friends with his ex for 10 years before they dated for 2. She still wants him but he reassures me it's way over for them (he's had gf's between us). He wants to have a friendship with her. Last party we went to, there was a point when I came back from the bathroom and they were off together on the otherside of the house (from the rest of the party guests) and he was showing her his new car. I over heard another guest say "they snuck off together again". This makes me feel like crap. He has ended a phone conversation with me for her... she got upset with him for having me over when he invited her over. I want to be friends with her and have been super nice to her because I think it's great that they want to stay friends. But, she doesn't want to hang out with him if I'm around and I feel he payed just as much if not more attention to her than me at the party. How do I get it through to him that I'm the new girlfriend and I get priority and respect. I don't want her out of the picture but if she can't behave herself he has to make a decision. I can't go on feeling insecure. Guys? how would you like your current girlfriend to word this request? Thanks so much! I'm sorry it's long!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Trust your instincts.
If you felt he paid more attention to her, he most likely did. No, he's not over her and she's not over him.
You'd be doing yourself a favour by getting your own act together. Its not easy but you guys don't have a history together.
Give them their space. Never trust a guy when he says she's not over him. I suppose you could give him the benefit of the doubt but you have only yourself in a relationship or situation where you feel that your partner is less forth coming or less open or that they're hiding something.
If you've discussed it with him then don't bring it up again. Watch his behaviour, listen to the tone in his voice when he speaks to you about her and when he talks to her and if you can when he's talking to her about you. Never bring it up or confront him you're bigger than that.
If you've asked for spontaneity, openness and honesty and you feel it is not being met. Then gently remove yourself and ask for your own space.
I'm saying become paranoid but if all the signs are there then that's often all you need unless he can truly show you that there isn't anything going on. That shows honesty, dedication and committment to you on his part.
That's not too much to ask and it doesnt make you insecure it only means that you're standing up for what you need in your relationship - that is the basics, the bare minimum of what I'm sure you are providing him with in the relationship.
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