A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I took a break from dating a few months ago, but after joining a social site we had an event and I met one of the men who was also on the site. We were the first to arrive, so we had about an hour or two to chat. He was engaging and I instantly liked him. We had maybe spoken on the phone prior to this event once and that was months before. Anyway, we spent the remainder of the evening hanging out, went to dinner, met up with his friends and then I went home. Since then, every event we've been to, he's been very attentive toward me. I know he admires me as a person, likes hanging out together, but he's never asked me out, called me just to say hello (or text). I've gotten the "I'll give you a call" from him and nothing for two weeks or more. I'm not concerned or upset about it. What I don't like, or what confuses me, is when we have these events and I see him, he's flirting, he's touching me, smiling, and just very engaging. Even the ppl around us thought we were dating because he's that openly attentive/happy when he's talking to me. He invited us to a small party he was having, and another guy was chatting me up, he was very territorial and made it known to the guy that he had "dibs" already. I was shocked and a bit flattered. My first pissing contest.Recently our last event group was pretty big, so he wasn't as attentive, but we did speak where he was a bit peeved at my calmness, reassuring me that I was his number one. We all left pretty late, but I get a text this morning from him saying why didn't I say goodbye to him. He was upset at me! That I should have made more of an effort to get his attention.I don't know if he wants me to chase him or what! He is pretty much a guy who has women often chasing after him or calling him, but I don't do that. I'm actually about 7 years older than him, he happens to be in his late 20's. I really don't have time or inclination to play the games he's used to women younger than him playing. In the end, I do like him, a lot. It's not sexual (at least on my part and we haven't had sex (I'm sure he wants to tho, but doesn't make it a priority when we are together to get me to his place), but it's him as a person/personality, his voice, his style, and he's a very smart man. He's a bit over confident, but some men are like that. He's traveled, served our country, and is opposite of me in many ways which I only find more attractive. He is just confusing me and I'm trying hard not to get caught up in emotions that have no positive outcome for me. Yet, when he does things like this, I'm left wondering if I'm just getting played.Guys, if you can shed some light on this...I'm still learning this dating game.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also want to add, I do date other men when asked out, so I'm not holding out for this guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrank, you're making a lot of assumptions (biological clock...lol, but I forgive you.) the other guy that was "chatting" me up, I wasn't interested in at all. Believe me, he wasn't my soul mate...but I just noticed the behavior. Now as for game playing, I'm upfront on what I want and don't want with any man. He knows what I'm looking for and it damn sure isn't a casual relationship. He knows what I'm about. Maybe it's the challenge. :shrugs:
thanks for the feedback so far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): If he's never called you when he says he's going to and hasn't asked you out, yet acts like you're his property and seems pretty conceited at the same time, in person, he's playing you and probably a few other girls at the same time, but on different occasions. He hasn't tried to chase you and hasn't had sex with you at all, so he's not interested in being with you. It's very unfortunate, and I'm sorry to say that he's like that, but I can't see anything else resinating from him, through what you've explained about him.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 You said:
...and another guy was chatting me up, he was very territorial and made it known to the guy that he had "dibs" already. I was shocked and a bit flattered.
This was the first error. Instead of being flattered, this was a red flag. He was this possessive of a woman he had not slept with yet. You were not even dating. That other guy could have been a soul-mate of yours, and now you did not even give the new guy a chance waiting on this first guy...who has not earned it. You have a biological clock, and you do not have the time to waste with this drama boy.
You said:
Recently our last event group was pretty big, so he wasn't as attentive, but we did speak where he was a bit peeved at my calmness, reassuring me that I was his number one.
Error. He did not EARN this kind of loyalty from you. A man will never commit to a woman who gives loyalty that he knows he did not earn.
You said: He was upset at me! That I should have made more of an effort to get his attention.
He sounds like an emotional manipulator.
You said: He is pretty much a guy who has women often chasing after him or calling him,
And the fact that you give him attention that he has not earned from you IS chasing after him. He is not acting on it either cause he is an adult male virgin, a closet homosexual looking for excuses not to be sexual with you, or a spoiled brat who is too used to attention. Despite everything you say you like about him, I have to say that he is not acting like a heterosexual man, otherwise, he would have tried to have sex with you.
You said: I really don't have time or inclination to play the games he's used to women younger than him playing.
Then act like it. I think you like him and ARE playing a game with him. You had another guy interested in you, and gave him up for this guy who gives you drama and nothing else. If you do not want to play games, then stop wasting time with a guy that does not act like a man. Stop contact with him and track down that other guy that had the balls to show interest in you. Unless you have your own fear of intimacy that keeps you waiting(aka chasing) a guy that treats you like this.
You said: It's not sexual (at least on my part and we haven't had sex (I'm sure he wants to tho, but doesn't make it a priority when we are together to get me to his place)
This is my point! He does not have the normal Emotional Needs that an emotionally healthy heterosexual male exhibits. I wrote a book on this, and you can read the preview for free to get an idea of what he is missing, and the key to getting male commitment based on healthy Emotional Needs.
Book: http://www.lulu.com/content/5069994
CD: http://www.lulu.com/content/2587075
-Frank Kermit
Author, The Eye of the Seductress
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): I wouldn't chase him and to be honest I don't think this is going anywhere and I think you will get played if you get involved. End result I fear is you will feel strung along and he's wanting you to make the first advance so he doesn't have to take responsibility for a relationship that doesn't happen. He wants no strings with you sorry to say.
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