A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a work-related question. I am currently employed at a company where all they do is gossip and care what other people is doing. I am happily married with a 5 yr old son. I am a kind of person that doesn't like to hang around people (specifically girls) and doesn't like to talk crappy at work all the time. So every lunch time it's either I am alone having lunch at starbucks (close by work) or I will have lunch with guys, co-workers (who don't like to deal with dramas and gossips of co-workers, either). Unfortunately, these past few weeks, I was told that I have been labeled as a "SLUT" and "getting around" just because I am having lunch with mostly men at work and not girls. I have told my husband about what I am doing. He said he fully understands me. He told me that he trusts me and the people that are saying those things are jealous and don't have any better things to do. He said he knows that I am not doing anything wrong. I come home after work and spend time with my family on weekends. My husband told me to just ignore those people, take care of myself and just be myself. I feel that I want to go to these people and confront them. But my husband said that it would only be a waste of my time. As far with the guys that I spend lunch with, they said that "F IT" they are jealous and can't find any better things to do. They are definitely on my side. Please give me advice on what to do.
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Hun
You are not alone. In reading the other posts there is good practical advice here because many of us have been in your shoes. I am thinking that this will run its course. Some women can be hard on each other at times. A shame really as we should support each other...but that is not always the reality. I would have advised that you take the time to be ' one of the girls' on occasion. Ask them about their families, husbands, children. If you show a genuine interest in them...it cannot hurt.Rather than picking your friends on gender lines I think there might be one decent person among them... maybe. I am thinking that be distancing yourself you have alienated them. However a bit of character defamation has gone on and I would keep my distance for now. You know who you are. I do not think you are lowering your integrity but being somewhat friendly with them...it might just make the situation easier for you. Office politics are office politics. Good luck hun
A
female
reader, dafni  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 sounds like you're at school and girls who like to stick their noses in other people business!look,honey if you are ok with yourself and you are not a slut,then what's the problem?you should ignore them until they get bored.surely they don't mean what they say,they just talk about you,because they've got nothing else to do!!ignore them,and if they still continue,you could always talk to your boss!!=)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Hey! I don't think you have anything else to do but to continue with your life and be happy. There's gossip in every working environment.
It's only natural your female co-workers are talking about you because they feel rejected by you. Not necessarily jealous but rejected.
Trust me, even if you were on their side they would talk behind your back because that's just their nature. I'm glad you are not letting their pressure change the way you are.
You are very lucky your husband believes in you and supports you 100%. And also because you have colleagues with whom you can feel relaxed with.
So just ignore the pressure and focus on your work and eventually they will learn to respect you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 October 2007):
 First, your husband is a smart man. I find that people gossip because their lives are boring, nothing to talk about there, so they talk about other peoples lives.
I would ignore them. Here is what another manager and I did at a place I had been previously employed. We had a lot of gossip and backstabbing in one of the departments. Each shift for that day, we had the supervisor watch the store while a mandatory employee meeting was held. I'm sure you know what a pink slip it? (Termination Form) At the meeting a pink slip was shown to the employees with their names all ready filled out on there. And during the short meeting we just brought up "This is a job, gossip stays outside and has no room in the business place, it stops now, or these will be handed out accordingly."
You'd be surprised what people will stop doing when they realize their job is on the line.
If it comes down to it and you hear they labeled you as a SLUT again. I'd tell them "we don't talk much, but you know me real well, I'm the best slut my husband could have asked for.
Anyway, I hope this helps. These girls are real immature. Just make sure you don't match immaturity with immaturity.
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Jealousy, is what it is. They are envious of you. I fall in your shoes. I really don't care what people think especially females at work. If you know you're not doing anything wrong, whats it to it? The majority of my friends are guys in which they are in the military. I have a couple close female friends that hangs out with us.
Don't let those females get to you. Work gossip is best ignored. Your husband is right, don't waste your time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): your husband and your friends are perfectly correct just ignore them and eventually thy will stop
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Well since you're working there i think your husband (kudos for his support) has the point-just ignore it.Of course be as rude as possible while talking,don't smile,wind them up etc but don't confront over this.And yes,I find it cool you're not one of them;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): I have alot of gossip at my workplace too, I work with all women. I just dont pay any attention to them. If you know its not true and everyone u care about knows its not true. Then dont worry about what ever they are talking about they are just trying to get to you. If it gets too bad, then talk to your boss. But I wouldnt worry too much, their only hurting themselves, because those are the people that no one trusts.
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A
female
reader, gaelicgurl2479 +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Sweetie, I have totally been there before, and the one thing that made me feel loads better, is that I can always turn to Jesus when i have a problem like that. Now, I'm not pushing religion, I dont even know what your religious affiliation is, but you also have your family. You just can't let this all get to you. I know it's hard, trust me, I've been there before. Just keep your chin up. They want to see that you're hurt by what they say. If they don't get that satisfaction, they'll most likely turn their attention elsewhere.
Good Luck, and God Bless!
Kat
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