A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Short version: GF broke up with me 5 months ago, relationship wasn't going well but I was still wanting to continue, nothing unfixable. Took me a looooong time to start getting over her, but just had begun when I started "no contact". I still missed and loved her but I tried to focus other things. She recently reached out, says she has been thinking about me and still loves me. A few coffees, a meal, no sex though. Anyway, I still was in love with her and was hooked. She wants to try dating but not with any commitment. Wants to keep it open because she is afraid we might have same problems as before and doesn't want to be committed when she's still scared. Wants to find someone most compatible, which I do too.It's just that it all makes sense but I don't know about wondering if she's on a date with someone else when we're not together. That sounds like it will be really had to do. I ready to date her exclusively but go slow. By the way she actually agreed to that but then became kinda distant and said not ready for commitment yet.So my question is....is this reasonable? I don't know if I'm sabotaging myself by wanting her to myself, particularly since she ended things, and is now back. What wold you do
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (8 July 2013):
Wow! I'm sorry to hear that. I'm so glad my guy has not contacted me. I would be weak and I would want to be with him in a affectionate (even sexual) way.
I really hope you are doing better and you have move on. I am feeling better. I still think of him but now I wish him well.
I'm good with being alone. I really want to improve myself with learning from my mistakes, education, and my life.
I hope you are doing better! I hope you found someone else or are doing better.
I'm sorry friend I think she is a b*tc@
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Hi broken V. So, just an update. I stupidly went out with her one more time, thinking it was at least a date, right? No, it wasn't for her, and she was not nice at all about letting me know. I tried to show her some very modest affection and she completely shut me down, and then unloaded on me when I expressed even the smallest amount of frustration, and I did it in a nice way, too. A few days later, after getting blown off and ignored, I finally called her to get some clarity. Of course she was not nice about it, and made me feel like an intrusion and a nuisance. (there was some suspicious behaviors too, which I will not go into here).The short of it was that she said she did not want a relationship with me and did not even want to date me. I asked how she could do this to me after returning to me after dumping me 5 months age. After all, I did not invite her back, she reached out and told me she was still IN LOVE with me. I asked if she was dating someone new, and she angrily barked that someone had asked her out and that she wanted to say yes (which I suspect is also BS, and I think she had already been out with him, which is more pain because that meant there was overlap with me).I feel manipulated and used for her need for validation, and then tossed aside for someone else. It's been a while but all I can think about is what did I do wrong? My crime was showing too much affection??? WTF??? And now she is with someone else after declaring her love for me only days previous?
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (8 June 2013):
Hey! How are you doing? Not sure if you are still checking your spot here but I was thinking of you and hoping you are still sticking to your "guns".
Have you been able to keep yourself busy? Most importantly, have you stayed away?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): Thanks brokenv! Sounds like you handled your situation better than me. I am absolutely vulnerable to running back to her, and this is precisely our pattern. Don't get me wrong, I made plenty of errors in the relationship, but one of my complaints was her jumping ship when we'd have some kind of misunderstanding or something. I would think this sucks but not the end if world, but she'd tell me we were through (in fairness to her, maybe out if frustration) and then I'd get upset because a small thing or mistske I make means now I'm under the bus and I'd be to hurt to be able to resolve. Maybe this is just more of same I don't know, and I admit I didn't handle the "I want to be open to other guys" thing well at all. But after 5 months, and trying to get over her, then she returns for a fee days, I react to that (maybe I was having normal reaction) and now it feels all cold and distant. I wish I could be different but I want her to pick me..
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (16 May 2013):
It is almost a year for me from my break up with my boyfriend. The first couple of months were terrible. I couldn't sleep focus on work focus on my thoughts. It has gotten easier. I'm so glad he hasn't contacted me. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to not run back to him. Even now I believe he is the love and I'm losing out. Today I focus on my kids, head to the gym, have return to an evening class and spend time with my girlfriends. I keep myself busy improving who I am. It is not meant to be and I have finally realized that. Don't get me wrong my thoughts still wander to him from time to time but for my health it is time to move on. Do yourself a favour and move on. She doesn't want to make a commitment to you. You sound like a great guy, you deserve to focus on someone who wants you and only you! I think your worth it!! Good Luck, your friend from the North
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): Thank you for your response. I think she wants to keep it open to others meaning that if someone asked her out, she would have the option to say yes or no but not no only because she's committed to me. She emphasized "haven't you ever dated around"? I think she's scared but this really hurt to hear this solution. It felt like I'm in if nothing better comes along, but if it does, I'm at risk of getting my heart broken all over again.
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