A
male
age
30-35,
*aewood
writes:My girlfriend was raped when she was a kid, and now it affects her. She hates been touched in any form. I really like to hold her but she nevers allow me to hold her. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): "x ilovebowsandcherries x "i agree 100%
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Thanks guys. Daewood
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A
female
reader, carnes  +, writes (13 July 2009):
hey i can relate to your girlfriend the best thing you could do right now is take it slow let her know all you want is to comfort her you say you want to hold her you need to take it one small step at a time she will probably be very scarred to get close to you jus tell her as often as you can that you think she is beautiful and important in your life she will come around. .
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 just tell her constantly you care about her and stuff i mean if she's still like this then maybe she should get counselling to help through this traumatic time help her over come her fears.
it's understandable the way she'll be feeling because she'll feel dirty and probably like it's her fault but it's not.
but if she is having difficulty over coming this trauma you may need to suggest counselling or see a psychiatrist to help her over come these problems it'll take time of course and patientce but if you have that with her then great at least she'll know you're there to help her.
just take it easy don't be too eager to hold her she'll get afraid again and feel trapped and may have flash backs.
Hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, venisonstew +, writes (13 July 2009):
sounds like she could be going through post-traumatic stress. It won't be easy, especially if you haven't been through it.
My father was a pedophile, my sister was abused 4-5 times a day for a few years. she was only 8 when it started(not totally sure) I seriously think i might have been abused as well at one point when i was a baby, possibly my brother as well, but i've never got the chance to talk to him about it. i do have to say it will affect a person for the rest of their life, whether they recognise it or not. it is a very sad trauma to go through. as far as the mind, a lot of people can't even remember it too well because the mind can block it from memory. it's a defense mechanism. therapy can help with the right counselor.
i have been able to overcome certain aspects of it, but it still will affect me for the rest of my life. i haven't spoken to him since i was 5. i have no recollection of anything happening, but i say it's a 99% possibility, but i don't focus on that, there is a 1% chance it might not have. didn't help any that my mom was too traumatized to be able to emotionally help me. either way i wound up gay. took me 22 years to admit it to myself.
I wasn't able to even start to overcome anything until i was off of medication. medication is needed in a small number of cases, but it is way overprescribed. it is better to deal with the problem itself instead of covering it up with drugs and not having natural emotion. personally medicine made me worse.
Lots of therapy can help a person overcome these obstacles, but it is a slow process. if she's ready, I recommend choosing a counselor wisely, because if she's not comfortable talking to her counselor it won't work. a good counselor won't make her feel guilty for day to day errors, will give guidance in a nonjudgemental way, do a lot more listening than talking, because by talking it out will help her overcome obstacles. also a good counselor will make her feel good in a way without an instant cheer up.
my suggestion would be to give loving support. also LISTEN a lot more than replying. it is a lot easier said than done, especially when you haven't been through it. try not to be judgemental either. she definitely needs to be loved and to obtain emotional security. one other thing that helps, believe it or not, is the right food. i cannot stress this enough. I avoid canned food, processed box food(instant potatos, ready made meals, etc) also when taking the time to cook real foods (preferably organic, but not totally necessary) it will help her feel healthier. and also i prefer to cook a meal from scratch with real fruits and veggies, and real meats. and it's also fun. also a lot of foods mess with the brain. if it has scientific names i cannot pronounce, that's usually a no no for me. it will be hard to adjust overnight, i adusted gradually, but it helps the mind and body big time. i used to be 280 now im 210. it came off slowly and i didn't even blink an eye.
motto i live by: BABYSTEPS IS THE ONLY WAY TO LEARN TO WALK THROUGHOUT LIFE
I wish you the best of luck. i know it's not easy to deal with, especially not having been through it, but hang in there. i hope i was able to help. Godbless
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Don't hold her. Tell her you respect her wishes. Be very supportive and loving. She needs to get over a terrible experience.
Also, try to find some help for her. The rape needs to be put in the past, for her own well-being.
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (13 July 2009):
It is probably more up to her than you. You can be understanding but to feel comfortable doing those things she will need to work past being raped. Understandably she is obviously scarred from being raped so she should speak to someone who can help her overcome her anxieties.
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A
female
reader, angelsrock18 +, writes (13 July 2009):
 talk to her about it, even though it may hurt her you need to. say i love you and i will not do anything you don't want me too, but to show my affection i want to be able to hold you. i would be scared if i was her too, but the fear neeeds to get ovver her if she loves you.
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