A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend has told me tonight that she has been thinking about our relationship the past few days. she is thinking about leaving me. we got drunk tonight and i accidentally slipped my ex's name when i was getting frustrated with her. maybe built up emotion from the past, i don't know.. i feel like she is amazing and i was planning on trying to marry her, as she also said she would love it. now she talks about taking it day by day, which i completely understand, but taking a step backward seems like a bad idea. What stops us from going further back, when i feel like the more i know the more i despise. she lies about dumb thing that don't matter to our relationship, which makes me question her. now she feels like i don't see her as unique and she is hurt and i just feel like crap. i have had doubts once in a while if she was the one, but my answer comes up YES. however, that doesn't stop me from worrying why I am doing this to myself. plus, now that she is also doubting us, I just feel the need to leave before i hurt her or i anymore... :(
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male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (11 September 2010):
This is a lot of pretty deep stuff here you have to sort out...I think you both need to have a talk with each other because you are holding this up inside you and it shouldn't be like that. If you keep hiding it you will become mean and bitter. Sounds like you both could just use some space from whatever issues.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 September 2010):
 People lie at the beginning at the relationship to make themselves look smarter, to cover up some weakness, to avoid explaining too much. When you don't feel comfortable saying what's on your mind and you are talking about marriage, you have to realize you are not quite there yet. For her, lying about a dumb thing is not as much a mistake as calling an ex's name, even when drunk. There are more underlying issues than lying and not feeling special. Tell her what you are frustrated about, tell her she is fine as she is and eliminate the need for her to lie. She feels vulnerable exposing herself. Do you despise her lies or her real self? Tell her what makes a person unique is one who is confident and has no need to lie.
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A
male
reader, BugsB +, writes (11 September 2010):
Maybe she's lying about leaving ? You brought up the ex ...... maybe she needs a tons of reassuring from you . Your admitting the need to leave before you hurt her anymore ? Sounds to me you laid a foundation for uncertainty for this type of relationship . I would jump in 100% and see how things go ........ you will feel miserable if you don't !
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 habitual liars often dont change. i had a friend who's boyfriend used to lie about things that didn't even matter and he ended up cheating on her (twice). unecessary lieing is a big warning sign to me- it shows that being honest isn't important to them.
also if someone is suggesting that they want things to end then maybe listen to what they are saying. i doubt she has as much faith in this relationship as you.
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