A
male
age
36-40,
*lex1986
writes:My girlfriend continually demands that I choose her over my family, and refuses to compromise about the issue. She comes from a broken family, and has picked fights with my mom, sister, and brother over menial issues. She demands that I take her side 100% of the time, and is upset that I either refuse to take sides, or defend both sides equally. Now, my family has forgiven my girlfriend for attacking them, largely due to me defending her, but my girlfriend still holds a grudge against them. How do I close the gap? Its important to me that she at least tries to get along with my family, but it almost seems like she's trying to get me to choose one over the other. To me, there's no difference. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2010):
 I agree with everyone here, but I want to add something else. This is something most people don't realize in their relationships, since they're so focused on the here and now that they don't see true warning signs when they see them.
Notice how your girlfriend is treating your family? I'm willing to bet that coming from a broken family, her interactions with them are also less then acceptable?
Watch how she is treating them? This is how she WILL treat you. She's already starting to treat you like this now by trying to isolate you from your family. You can NEVER allow someone to pull you away from your family, friends, job, support system.
This girl is toxic. You are in for the emotional beatdown of your life if you continue to stay with her, because sooner or later, she'll turn all of this nastiness toward you. Watch the pattern.
Do not try to get her to get along with them. Instead, immediately part ways and find someone without all of these issues. Do it while you still can, before you two get married or (especially!) conceive a child who will be caught in this mess.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 November 2010):
You can't close the gap. People like her are too broken to be able to turn it all around. She's from a broken family, and doesn't get it. She never will. She won't even want to know. You could sit there all day explaining it to her, but it will fall on deaf ears. This is the woman she is. So, the question is who will you ultimately choose? That's where this is heading.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 November 2010):
 The way I see it she's got to go. This behavior won't change. She's got some serious issues that will eventually drive a wedge between you and your family despite your best efforts. I've dated her type, you're better off without her. That's serious stress that you don't need one bit.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Tell her its very important to you that she at least tries to get along with your family and you're not going to tolerate hostility towards them.
At the end of the day bro, women come and go, but family will stick with you. If she continues to drive wedges between you and your family, it might be worth considering whether the relationship is worth continuing.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 November 2010):
 For me, family comes first and if my significant other asked me to choose between them, I would pack his bags for him.
You need to tell her that it's important to you that she gets along with your family or at least attemtps to get along with them.
I think it's childish of her to be mad at you for not taking sides or defending sides equally and if she can't understand that this is important to you, then tell her you can't be with her, if she loves you then she will compromise.
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