A
male
age
36-40,
*oader
writes:Ok, here it is. A few months ago I met this lovely girl who I instantly developed very strong feelings for, right from the beginning. We have been texting each other ever since and have since met up once for lunch and we both had a lot of fun. I can tell she really enjoys my company and I enjoy hers too. Just yesterday, I dropped a bombshell on her to let her know of my true feelings for her and she said she also likes me too and the chemistry is there but she is afraid of committing to me because she thinks she will always be in love with her ex boyfriend (who she madly fell in love with and broke her heart). She says she hopes this whole thing does not ruin our friendship because she doesn't want to lose me.So the question is, how do I deal with this? Should I just stick around in the hope that maybe one morning she might just wake up wanting to be more than friends with me or should I just forget her and move on with my life since I don't see myself being able to be just "friends" with her, because of all these strong feelings I have?Please, anyone, I need your advice!
View related questions:
fell in love, her ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Loader +, writes (25 May 2010):
Loader is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone!
I would like to thank each and every person who has taken his or her precious time to take interest in my problem. I deeply appreciate all the advices you have given me and I have to admit that I was truly blessed to have such helpers like you, because now I know exactly what to do as you have given me the confidence, strength and direction.
Bless you all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Don't wait for her. Because if you do and if she starts looking around for another bf, you'll just look like a pathetic puppy and won't make the grade. Girls are attracted to boys who live an interesting life, who are fun to be around. Someone "waiting" is neither of those.
So tell her that you are sorry, but that you are hurting from the rejection --- through no fault of hers --- and that you'll need to be cool friend-wise for a while and pick that up again later. And once your intense feelings have passed, do pick it up. Because female friends are quite a blessing.
Then build a bridge, get over it. and get on with life.
Now, the next time you are deeply attracted to a girl, tell her upfront (with humour, lightness and care) rather than drag things on for months. Then your relationship will have an honest footing and you won't hurt yourself again when other people's lifelines don't run parallel with yours.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): i cant say i agree with the rest of the comments. Would YOU feel alright being close to her every day eating lunch with her?
i cant tell what she feels, but i dont think it's very wise of you to wait for her, live out your life more even though she seems to be a great girl, and i can understand you want to be with her a lot more :)
good luck, and do what you feel comfortable with, and nothing else :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 You don't state how long it has been since she broke up with her bf. It does take a bit of time to recover from a breakup, regardless of the circumstances. I would continue to stay friends with her, as you have both admitted to feelings of attraction. Don't throw your whole heart into this relationship as a romantic venture. Try and keep it as good friends. If she is the one for you, let her fall in love with you and your wonderful qualities. Some of the best things in life are worth waiting for. If in the interim she does start dating others, I would then be hesitant for sure about any romantic intentions with her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): She is trying to let you down as gently as possible. As much as you want it she isn't going to wake up on morning, and want to be with you.
I agree with Cerberus I don't think you should be friends with her, not given the way you feel about her you are just setting yourself up for hurt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): Move on, you don't stand a chance with a girl like that.
A lot of people will tell you to hold on, she needs a friend that if you stick with it there's a chance. That's not the case though, that only really happens in movies and is exceptionally rare in real life and it only really works in those cases by accident, that's not going to happen here because you already have feelings for her.
It will be too much for you to just be friends with her, to hear her talk about her ex or start dating other guys. She basically told you it wasn't going to happen in the nicest way possible just accept it and move on, don't become one of these saps that follows a girl around like a love sick puppy being crushed by the fact that you'll never have anything more with her.
...............................
|
