A
male
age
36-40,
*olfen
writes:My Girfriend is away for a one month language course in Europe. It has been 3 weeks now, and she is coming back next week. Before she left we werent doing very well, fighting and even getting physical once or twice. But we keep getting back together. I have tried to leave her countless times but it barely lasts a matter of hours.Anyway she went, and things started getting real hard for me. Before going she cried that she was going to miss me, and she often told me that when I called. But she is really not good with communications, coordination... So it's hard to reach her, because she has her phone off, or her credit is expired, or she doesnt hear it ringing. I cant really know.Once before she traveled she went to a huge oudoors party. She told me to come, but I said I had work and anyway it was far, I didnt like it and was expensive. But later I decided to surprize her, and went without telling her. Then I called her pretending that I might join her and ask her where she stood in the crowd. She pointed out a place. When I got there I didn't find her around. So i searched for her, then sent another message asking where she was. She pointed another place, I went there and looked around several times, and still didnt find her. At that time I was getting pretty nervous I really didnt like the place, the music was crappy and loud, people danced everywhere, and it was overall very cheap and decadent. So I send another SMS, and again, she says she is facing place X, and I go there and dont see her anywhere.Then I send a message saying that I'm at a place, and she should meet me (so much for the surprise). She finally comes, wearing a braless dress. I get mad and say some hurtful things about whether she's happy here without her bra and that the place is shit... She drops a couple of tears. As usual, she tells me an endless stream of "excuses" - or whatever they are - she was there and she didnt hear and she couldnt come because her friends didnt want to move... Later things settle. But this is like an aftertaste.Now that she is in Europe, her phone is often switched off, but I can speak to her at night when she gets home. But just feels like a crapshot to get through. And she justifies it by putting the blame on the cellular network, her cellphone, the bus... well nobody asked her to leave!! And by the time I get through I am mad and she profusely trying to justify why she couldnt pick up the phone 10 minutes earlier. I doubt she's trying to hide something, and maybe I'm just being grunchy, but it gets unbearable, and at night I loose sleep, while I know she is sleeping, because I often talk her until late at night sleep, and she almost falls asleep with the phone in her hand. I have started smoking, and have gone through terrible stress, and explosive anger on a couple of occasions. I dont believe too much in psychology, but could it be because of my previous girlfriend who stopped taking my calls when I left the country and went off with another guy? or maybe it's something much older.Now what I blame her for, is stupid things, like she once called me in the morning, and told me "hey, i'm going to the beach. bye!" and that was it. She dont give me much details, that bother me a lot, and instead of speaking about her day we argue.Lately I got pretty mad and she hinted that I am pushing her away and there is some guy she finds cool in her class, but nothing will happen she says. And she says she loves me, but almost too often for it to sink in.I'm afraid our relationship is going downwards, and goddamit why does she do these things? (I opened another thread about that) She also for example cut me halfway through my phrase. I told her about a million time not to cut me but she does it and sometimes ups the tempo when I try to place a word. Then she tells me that I sound like a teacher for lecturing her. Well duh she's just not listening - or she has a 3 minute memory, coz she dont do what I tell her to do! Heck she even once cut my and picked up my phrase in the middle, like that:me: I wonder whether...her (interrupting me): ...we will have fun when I come back? i dont know... coz...(blah blah)Here is another comversation we had just today.. I was mad because she told me she might take a trip to spain while she is there, and she didnt tell me beforehand:- Why didnt you tell me!!- I didnt know, it's not sure!- I'm sure you didnt tell me because you were afraid I would get mad.- No! not at all(about a minute later)- I didnt want you to get mad (about her not telling me about the trip - that was canceled BTW)- just one minute ago you told me you werent afraidd- what?- I told you it's because you were afraid id get mad an you told me that was not it- Yeah i thought that was not it but now I thought that's it but it's ... (etc, some hardly understandable stuff)So.. does she have a communication problem or something? Short memory span? Am I just bad with her and that's how she reacts (I suck too sometimes, I've been calling her so often! And i'm often pretty rude)? Is she just bullshitting me 24/7?You know with my ex I had something to put the finger on, but with this girl I just dont know what is wrong! Maybe we both just let it degenerate it too much. All fair in love and war?So my question is, she is coming back. What should I do? Just pretend like nothing happened? Try to cheer her up? (she might be depressed when she comes back)? Have a talk? Part? It seems like one of these relationships where the two people part and kinda change. I have seen friends go through this and dont want a similar ending.Sorry for the rant, I hope it will be posted and maybe a person or two will enjoy reading it.
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bra , cheap, depressed, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rolfen +, writes (26 September 2010):
rolfen is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think I forgot how lucky I am, and she is taking me for granted. She comes back tonight. I'll ask her for forgiveness for treating her less then she deserves, and I hope she'll also ask forgiveness for taking me for granted.
A
female
reader, texas_gal  +, writes (21 September 2010):
You two don't sound like a match. When she gets back, or even before she gets back, just tell her you are not a match and there is no use in prolonging the inevitable. It doesn't sound like you make each other happy or even enjoy each other's company.
Yes, you sound like you have issues, anger and control, jealousy, possessiveness, arrogance. Try working on yourself instead of trying to figure her out.
Good luck!
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