A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My girlfriend keeps telling me how much she hates her ex, But just a few minutes ago i got on the computer to check my email and her email was still on the screen (for the second time this month)so i snooped through it and there were a bunch of email to and from her ex none of them crossed any lines by anymeans but she also in the past has told me she ignores him when he trys to convers with her. I tried to approach her about him and she just changes the subject. how do i go about getting it on the table with out starting any dramma? or what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys n girls for your input i havnt said anything to her and nothing has changed really i just needed some answers from outside the box and i appreciate it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): You need to talk to her about this to make sure she doesn't still have any feelings for her ex.
I think you should tell her that you went on the computer and the emails where already on show (which they were right?) and you seen loads of emails from her ex. Explain how you didn't want to go through her emails but was really curious why she was emailing her ex, even though she told you she hates him.
Remember, hate is a very strong word so for someone to hate someone wouldn't have any contact in that person what so ever. She may be lieing to you about something so I'd confront her about it. Don't cause any drama about it like you say, and be very matture about it and ask her nicely. Take alot of notice in what her reaction is when you tell her too! You can always tell when someone is hiding something.
It's probably nothing anyway, he probably just emailed her and she innocently emailed him back. Aslong as there was nothing innopropriote then there's nothing really to worry about? Just ask her why she's emailing him whilst telling you she ignores him. She probably says it because it might annoy you or make you jelous?
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 She is either lying to you, or to herself about her feelings for her ex. She could simply "block" his messages permanently then there would be no more contact. There's no way to approach this problem without creatiing some drama. But if it solves the issue, it'll be worth the drama. Talk to her and ask her to block his address. It'll be interesting to see if she actually goes through with it.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 I completely understand how you feel.............I would be upset and confused as well. It is possible that she is still looking for closure and that's why they are still emailing. Did you read the emails?
I would talk to her but don't attack her...........just tell her how all this makes YOU feel and why you are confused.
If nothing serious is going on then she does need to find closure before she can cut all strings with him.
Remember though that she is with you now and nor with him, she loves you and hates him.
it will all work out, try to stay calm and just tell her how you feel
good luck
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A
male
reader, shadowjin +, writes (12 April 2010):
 I think what bothers you the most is the fact shes telling you one thing but her actions say another.. at the same time by bringing it to her attention might make you look bad (going threw her emails). I would let it go until theres a reason to be worried (which there isnt). Its a hard situation to be in because her actions dont match her words. An old friend of mine had the same problem.. his GF was friends with all her XBFs and they never crossed the lines but it caused problems.
Some things are not worth arguing about..
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (12 April 2010):
 If you have seen that there is nothing to be suspicious about and since you probably shouldn't have read the email I would just leave it be. She may hate everything about him but not want to be rude by not answering his emails. She probably does still care about him in the way that she wants him to get on with his life and live happy witout her. Your gf probably ignores alot this guy sends her but every once and a while there would a feeling like you just need to say something.
You said yourself that there was nothing to be suspicious about so I'm here to reinforce this. There's no need to bring problems where they can be avoided. If its really bothering you over the next little while then just sit her down and say that you need her to tell you whats going on with him.
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