A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:have benn with my girlfriend for two years and we have had a few fights over the last few years notthing to serious that wasnt fixed within a few hours but in those fights she has takin that i have called her a bad mother out of contexr and now she is being very cold and showing no affection towards me and i want to make things right with her because i love her so much What should i do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, UncleDoug  +, writes (2 April 2010):
Hi,
As you know there are certain things you simply do not put back in your lover's face, such as any kind of pillow talk, confidences, and comments which by their nature go to the core of the person. Respectfully, calling your wife a bad mother does not make her a better mother or ingratiate you to her. If you make focus is to make her feel bad about herself - mission accomplished. If however you want her to be a better mother, then show her by example and be a better role model yourself. Talk with her (out of earshot of anyone else, especially children or outsiders) and show a genuine interest in helping her resolve whatever causes her to act in a manner you consider is a "bad mother."
First and foremost you must apologize: go to her, ask her if you can talk seriously with her, take her hand in yours, look directly into her eyes and apologize in earnest then tell her you are there for her and will do anything to help. Keep the line of communication open and active all the time. Good luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 April 2010):
Ask her what it was you said. Then try to explain it and say sorry. Sometimes men say things that women take the wrong way. I did it the other day myself. Talk to her and see what she says.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 April 2010):
 I assume the kid isn't yours? Then it's not your business to comment on what she does to her kids even if she spoils them or neglects them. One of our biggest fear is being called a bad mother. I think you should volunteer to babysit her kid for a day and see how you handle it. Show her that you care for her and that the kid is part of your life too, so she doesn't see you just using her for sex. I believe your intention was to help her out, offer ideas on how to raise her children but it came off like you were criticizing her. Listen to her feelings before offering solutions. Do tell her she's a good mum whenever you see she's putting effort and be there when she needs help and asks for it.
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