G/f cheated andI don't think I'll be able to love her like I once did

A male age 36-40, *chez03 writes:

Ok, my gf and i started hanging out as friends and hooked up twice (not sex) last april of 2009. Maybe i started to show too much emotion and she was always in a relationship her whole life so she was enjoying the single life, so she ended up leaving the bar one night and slept with my roomate behind my back, and then once again after that and i actually heard her moaning with him the 2nd night. my roomate was someone i kinda looked up to he is much older. That ruined mine and hers friendship in me but i kept it civil cause we were not dating then and i had to live with him. but i hated them for that and finally i blew up on her expressing how bad i was hurt and that i liked her still. few days later she started to become attracted to me and told me she was and we had sex. one week later we became officially bf and gf. that lasted through the summer i was so in love, the thought of them 2 rarely came to mind and if it did it didnt hurt, cause i have never been so in love before. That was my problem though i got attached fast and it pushed her away, and he would come out and party with us and a few times i would see them at the bar talking close and she had the tendency to get really drunk she never cheated on me but just talking to him and she actually said one night to him that she liked him but she might as well have cheated on me...even so i stayed with her, we got along so well and the sex was amazing. Anyways we broke up in september 09 cause i moved back in with my mom to get away from the roomate cause i hated him so much and a day later we all partied back at the housei just moved out of cause my other roomate's gf was my gf's best friend even though i didnt want to go i still did cause she had me by the balls back then ha. she got drunk and was talking all close to him and as we were drving to the bar she kissed him on the cheek so the next day we were at another party and i lied to her about doing coke she didnt like me doing it neither did i but i did it out of spite later in the night i yelled at her finally told her how embarassing she was for doing that a lot and how bad it made me feel and we broke up...the next night she slept in his room dont know if they had sex or not but still. He is older, didnt do drugs, had a good job unlike myself...couple days later we talked and decided to be "best friends" that night she is expressing to him in his room as i listened to him why we broke up and wanted to sleep in his bed, i heard everything, next day she didnt know she did that apologized we had sex. the next day i sent mean text messsages for what she did. i loved her but hated her at the same time. She went back to him for 4 more weeks she was having sex with him..i didnt know it at the time, everyone was keeping it from me i knew it was going on though...i was hurt so bad!! then out of nowhere a month later she calls me and misses me and all this stuff. i missed her too but something was not right. she ended up confessing after i questioned her many times. and we got back together, but the pain was still there and the resentments was so strong. but she was great but she wanted to go back to the house to party on weekends cause everyone went there but i couldnt stand being in the same place as them but still like a bitch i allow it. her whole argument was im with u now get over it. But she was loyal was not looking for attention anymore she had matured and was all about me this time. I stopped doing coke on weekends and even quit smoking for her and she bought a trip to the bahamas for us. and it was great we were in love but we had an accident and she got pregnant! before we found out she was i found out she slept in his room with him the next night after we broke up. and then a day later she tells me she is pregnant. i was so happy to hear that so was she...but at the same time i was hurting. She really wants to be with me forever but the thought of them 2 together does not escape my mind sometimes. She is now 6 months pregnant and she has been the best gf i could ever ask for!! BUT we just broke up cause she stopped feeling close to me, she felt me acting distant and different. I confessed and told her it was because of the past and sometimes i cant ignore the thought of them 2 together in every way. it causes me to resent her. and i began to lose my love and stopped treating her like i should. I dont want to live in another house other than my daughter's. I want to raise this family with her. I trust her and i know she would never hurt me again and she is not going to drink like she used to after the baby is born, neither am I i have not been out or done anything really since we found out she was pregant. I stayed with her all the time and im in a good trade school so she has no reason to be worried about all that. But what she wants is to feel loved and I started to fall out of love and started treating her different i even lost a lot of sexual attraction cause i think about her kissing him and doing him. I have to get over the past or i could never give her what she wants in a relationship. And i dont want to be a visitation father, but im afraid its hopeless ill never be able to really love her like we both want again. Any comment is welcomed..and thanks for reading this i know its long!

View related questions: best friend, broke up, cheated on me, drugs, drunk, got back together, her ex, kissing, moved out, text

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A male reader, jchez03  +, writes (8 June 2010):

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A male reader, dyeruz  +, writes (7 June 2010):

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