A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi allwondering could i get some advice/opinions with wat im experiencing right now, to be honest feel like im cracking up. all replies welcome and thany u in advance.ill be brief, with my bf 3 yrs,we have 2yr and 8yr old boys together, bf works from 6am til 10-11pm six days a week, half day sat, by the way still does not be home early. i must mention he is self-employed, hes a builder. i have talked to him til im blue in the face, could he try be home some nites early, i miss him, the kids never get to see him, i feel like i am a single parent, from the time kids rise til they sleep, everything is my responsibility. he will arrive home from work,eat dinner, either sleep or expect sex, i love tis man very much but wonder is ter more to life than me been on my own with kids. we are never financially better off from all his hours worked. he gets defensive when i try to talk to him, calls me names, says if i dont like it i know were the door is, this makes me all defensive, and then we dont talk, i cannot seem to get thru to him, he just wants me to be luvy duvy wen he comes home. sorry not very brief is it .ill finish now. kindest regards Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Hmmm seems to me that if he was working all the hours god sends and bringing in loads of money for you and the children you could see where he is coming from.
As that does not seem to the case then I think he has to either adjust the working hours and help out more with the emotional strain of being a father and your partner or like DVI says you need to look into standing on your own two feet with your boys.
He threatens the door as he feels that he has you right where he wants you and you are the little woman at home who has lost her identity and is there to service all his needs.
He is not being very mature about how much hard work it is to take care of two young children. Perhaps you should let him think you are ill and stay in bed for the day and let him cope on his own and then maybe he might just see how much hard work it is. He is not living in the real world he is trying to do the old fashioned way of I am the man and I earn the money and the little woman at home should take care of the home and children and just be there for me when I need her. I bet he expects a hot meal on the table waiting for him as well.
Are you close to your family?
Perhaps you and the boys should go and have a visit with them, especially if it is half term at the moment and tell him that unless he changes his ways you are gone for good.
This is not a life, being the boys dad is not a right but a gift and he should see it that way. If he does not start to build a relationship with his boys they will resent him in the future as they will say yes we turned out the way we did because mum brought us up and oh yes dad was there but never did anything with us.
You need to think about yourself as well as we all give up so much for our children but you are a woman as well and you have needs. I think the fact that all he can do is to call you names means that all he wants to do is to keep you down and very submissive which is not right.
A relationship is made up of 2 people and we all have to compromise to make things work.
Start to plan what you want out of life and if the picture looks much better without him in it start to do things to make that happen.
Get support from friends and family before you make the jump though as you will need a very good support network around you.
Who owns the house btw as you have rights and perhaps you could get him out and not yourself as he will have to support his children.
Check out what benefits you are entitled to aswell before you make any massive decisions to see if you could financially cope on your own.
Wish you well and keep us posted.
Keep smiling and stay strong and positive.
BFN
Country Woman
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Being a partner means satisfying the other's needs. Luckily, he's just a boyfriend, which means that he can be let go. If he's not there for his children either, there's also a major problem there. I think that you should end it, and figure out a custody agreement that won't hurt the children.
DV1
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