A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to know what to do .. I used to run a support group for families with disabled children from my sons school but although this stop 2 yrs ago . I am still very involved in helping or even being friends with some of the families.. me and my husband go to lunch with another couple and have always got on great but a few weeks back the husband of the other couple decided to get my number off his wife's phone and text me ... I told my husband straight away and told the guy not to text and that it was wrong to take my number off his wife's phone , so even tho I tried to act my jolly self on the school run so his wife wouldn't find out as I really didnt want to upset her , its becoming harder as now hes took to 'bullying' me in the play ground in front of other parents and his wife .. I laugh it off but it's getting to me .. I have asked my husband to keep out of it as it will cause issues within the group but he refuses to take part in lunches any more or outings I organisefor families . and I just have to sit and take the comments this man is making about me and my appearance.. I know its because I turned him down but can we ever go back to how it was . ??
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 July 2022):
 I'd tell him if he doesn't stop YOU will have to exclude HIM from the group. His wife and their child will still be welcome.
To be very frank, OP - I think you need to call the wife and ask her to no longer bring her husband as you feel uncomfortable with the way he is treating you.
I BET you the wife has noticed too. But she has enough on her plate to deal with her husband as well. And since YOU pretend all is well and laugh at the asshat, she hasn't gotten involved either.
Another thing you can do is ask if one of the other wives would like to take over the planning for a while. And then simply NOT be there. I know you shouldn't have to stay away, but you need to consider YOURSELF too.
"now hes took to 'bullying' me in the play ground in front of other parents and his wife .. I laugh it off but it's getting to me "
No, STOP laughing it off. Tell him RIGHt in front of the other parents that he isn't funny and he can go kick rocks.
YOU need to stand up for yourself here. You can't pretend this away.
Have you blocked the husband's number?
And while I think telling your husband to stay out of it might not be the worst idea, you now don't have his support.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2022): You can't go back to the way it was.
he's obviously a bad guy.
1. He went behind his wife's back!!!
2. He's punishing you for refusing his inappropriate advances.
He's a narcissist and a bully and I would be surprized if this was his first time trying to make inappropriate passes at women.
He sess this as you hurting his ego. He wants to get back at you or provoke something to make you look bad.
Have you kept the messages?
I would tell his wife and show her the messages. You are not the one who is upsetting her, HE IS!
I think it's agood thing for your husband to stay out of it. If the only way to do it is for him not to attend your gatherings so be it. DOes this man insult you when your husband is present? Even if he doesn't, it would be hard for your husband just to sit there and do nothing.
I don't think it's a good idea for your husband to talk to him in any shape or form.
I would show his wife the messages.
None of this is your fault.
If she's an ok person, she'll get it. If not, well cut them both out of your life and I know it's hard. But the only thing they fear is exposure for what they are (I'm talking about this horrible man now). If you let him stay in the shadows he'll continue to torture you. And I'm sure there were other victims who kept their mouth shut.
You know sometimes bullies take their victims silence as an approval, becaus ethey want to belive that if thsi had bothered you wou would have done something about it, like force your husband to deal with it or tell his wife.
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