A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with this girl (i'll call her friend A for this might get complicated!!) for three years and she has always seemed so wise and together. She knows what she wants and doesnt let anyone trample on her. I thought she was great and full of integrity. But yesterday, i realised that while she won't let anyone trample on her, she doesnt give the same courtesy to anyone else.I recently found out, that this other friend of hers/mine (friend B) quite the opposite of her, who only believes what she says and won't listen to reason and is very stubborn, though she is very kind, even if she would argue that too, has been trampled on by friend A. And i had to find out this from someone else, who is in the know. Anyway, something happened a few years back at new year, and friend A has always said it was friend B's fault. But now it turns out friend A is the culprit. There is no doubt in my mind that friend B doesnt know, friend A has slandered her. When i saw friend A, i didn't exactly confront her, but she just said something about 'I expect suchabody has told you it was my fault.' and laughed. She didnt seem to realise, that she had told me a lie. And to my mind, she seemed quite proud of herself.But why did she lie to me?I am not hurt at it, but why lie? I'm not saying i am perfect, i tell little white lies, but i don't blame somebody else for something i have done.ThanksHope you can help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (16 August 2007):
Tramplers often cannot afford to be wrong either in their own minds or in the eyes of others.
Friend A is putting up a strong front. Admitting she's wrong is admitting weakness in her eyes.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I think there are numerous possibilities. One of the main ones I would say given what you have described of Friend A's nature its possible in her eyes she hasnt lied at all because as far as shes concerned she was the one in the right.
You are judging this from a somewhat neutral perspective and she is partisan. Of course she could just have lied to make herself look better which is also possible while privatly feeling some guilt over what she did but she won't want to admit that to you if she is proud.
In any case it appears what has happened is that you have lost some trust in her and her image is tarnished with you so her lie has defeated its orginal purpose. Ultimately however it is water under the bridge and bringing it back up probably won't help matters. Sorry. Take care.
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