A
male
age
22-25,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I have this friend. Who I've known for 5 years. He has a great, charming personality and -generally - is a lot of fun. But he also has another side to his character I can't understand. He will do things like invite you to a party with all people he knows, and just not turn up without notification leaving you there awkwardly, because he's got too drunk with other friends and can't be bothered to turn up. On another occasion he'll ignore your calls or - I suspect - deliberately make you wait to show who has power because he's far too busy. on another occasion, he invited all his friend to a festival and with me standing there - took the other two to the side to tell them how they were his closest friends in the world - with me just awkwardly standing at the side. recently he invited me to berlin where he has a few friends. I stupidly accepted on the assumption that his determination showed he'd changed his ways. But its business as usual, he's not called me for a few days and after many attempted calls and text messages, i've heard nothing. i feel this the the final straw. On the one hand i think it's down deliberately to spite people and shows how spoilt he is. on the other hand, it shows he's very self-involved and just basically doesn't instinctively think about others. there is still a good chance he might call, but not fair that you should your friends on tenterhooks all the time. what should i do about this guy? there is not way to gauge what -if anything at all- is going on in his mind. and it is affecting me constantly by wasting my time and making me angry/upset.
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male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (7 March 2009):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell just to give you an update. on the flight to Germany my friend missed his flight so i was out there by myself. he did attempt to hook me up with his friends in germany. but i never really arranged to meet them. there is no way for me to know if he is like this with all his friends, because he never lets his friends get to know each other( i cant say if its deliberate or not, because it might just be he has so many friends that they wouldn't ever all meet more than once). i do know there are a few friends he never ever lets down, i guess i'm just not part of his "inner circle". in any case, i thought things through and i think the best thing is when a supposed friends lets you down for the umpteenth time, its time to cut your losses and move on. your answer was very helpful, but only i can give someone the power to stand me up/wind me up, so i can also take it away from people.
A
female
reader, soft_letters  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Hi,
your situation reminds me of my guys.. he has a friend too and they have known eachother actually since they were kids, at age of 5-6 i think.. anyways, although my guy has a really amazing character and never settles down for less than what he earns, this friend of his still has the ability to push his nerves and make him feel deserted..
many times as u said urself, he is being faced with situations where he is being totally ignored and later his friend calling him up and apoligizing and making excuses for his behaivour..
i can give u almost same advice as i give my guys:
first thing is, do you know if your friend does this with other friends as well, or is it just with you? IF he behaives this way with other people too,then you know its nothing "personal" so to say and its about his cocky personality. But if he actually only treats you this way just to see the fun of testing your limits, then you have to re-think about your friendship with him.. You dont deserve this treatment and he doesnt have any right to disrespect you of course, but although he can continue doing this from here to the moon, its up to you to allow him affect you.. he is an ass and u cant change that, but u can change how much u want to be affected by him!
2. this can be about him or someone else, lets say a girl, so never let anyone treat you like second choice cause it will only make you feel like 2nd choice.. you seem to be a descent guy so why let idiots take that away from you.. a good advice to not let him or anyone else for that matter control your emotions this much is to put value on your own time and who you choice to spend it with...
i know this may sound a bit weird, but since i get a feeling u´ve been hurt by all this, dont let him hurt you this way again...
good luck and let me know how it went
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