A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiIs marriage and being in romantic relationship the only thing to lead to happiness. I am one of the romantic person in this world who believs being in a relationship is the only way to happiness. I am a country (India) where marriage is a scared thing and getting married and having kids is the only way to lead a happy life. You cant see much single persons after the age of 30 (even in the case of men). Women are supposed to get married before 25 (mostly thru arrnaged marriage) and men before they reach 30. and should have kids after 1-2 years of marriage. This is the normal social norm there. So born and brought up there, my parents only concern was to get me and my sis married before we reach 25. We are well educated and hv a good job and sal. But still finding the groom was the biggest issue since the horoscope of bride and groom should match. Atlast my parents found a person when i was 24 and i got married to him. Thought everything should be pciture perfect after marriage, happily ever after. Alas only after marriage i came to knoe my hus is a scum bag who never sticks to one job for more than 6 months, never really had any savings. Actually for our honeymoon he borrowed money from me.Anyway long story short, he used me finacially, emotionally (he is a very clingy person) and always suspected me of having affair with my neighbour (who is 5 years than me). After 4 years i couldnt take it anymore and ofcourse he never satisfied me sexually and we never had kids and got separated from him. After that came the twist as my friend who was my friend till all this happened and then suddenly he had started showing interest in me. I was flattered and ofcourse smitten and fell for his charms. We had relation ship for about an year (nothing sexual ofcourse, since in our country its difficult to do without anyone knowing). He slowly started getting money from me (he earns more than me) and i bought all his lies and gave him all my savings and everything and rellay believed he is gonna marry me and then ill have my happily ever after. Of course he broke up with me saying he cant marry me cause of his religion, caste, parents.....So now here i am who lost all my money and dignity and faith in humanity cause of beliving that marriage and being in relationship is the only way to hapiness. If i think about all this now, it shows i stupid of me to think, i could find my happiness from someone else. My happiness is within me and i could find happiness and joy in living a life with full jest and if we find a true love its great and if not, its not the only thing in life. Not only me lot of Indians are following the same path of trying to find happiness in marriage and kids. I wish our society grows so people can understand the true meaning of life rather than following some traditional stuff who is like 200-300 years old which is ridicules to follow the same thing now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Love and marriage are indeed sacred in all cultures or at least, they should be and should be treated as such. What happened to you is terrible. Unfortunately, you are not alone in this. This happens to many people, man or woman.
It takes two devoted people to find happiness in love but it only takes one to find happiness. People find happiness when they have everything and people have everything when they know they have enough. If you find love within yourself, you have all you need and you can be happy.
Life's meaning is the meaning we grant it. Some seek meaning in being love and giving love. Some find meaning in their actions. Love and you shall be loved but never stop giving and never lose faith in your actions for you will be remembered for them. Do not let the vermin infect your view of the world. People are free to seek happiness in marriage and children, most people find it there and they cherish it. You are free to find happiness in yourself and in your life. I pray perhaps one day all your generosity shall be repaid in kind.
I hope that helps.
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